


Delicate

by paperflower622



Category: Blake Shelton (Musician), Gwen Stefani - Fandom, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-08-19 03:42:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperflower622/pseuds/paperflower622
Summary: 2015. Two people, hurting and lonely, find some comfort in each other.We might kiss when we are aloneWhen nobody's watchingWe might take it homeWe might make out when nobody's thereIt's not that we're scaredIt's just that it's delicate





	1. Red Flag

_Shipping it off, contain it, seal it, rip up the receipt_

_But somehow it always finds its way right back to me_

**February**

It takes about an hour for the cold, numb shock to subside. That’s when the anger finally sets in.

After discreetly being shown the evidence of her husband’s affair with their nanny – make that ex-nanny, as soon as she can speak to and fire her – Gwen retreats to her large, marble bathroom and draws a bath.

She does this almost on autopilot, embracing the urge to cleanse herself physically as if it will cleanse her soul at the same time.

Sitting in the water, she stares straight ahead, her mind turning over the horrible photos, words, betrayal she has just become privy to. Tears slip out and fall down her face unconsciously, and she doesn’t bother to wipe them away.

One word keeps going through her mind – _why?_

She sits there in the tub, unsure of what to do, until the water turns cold, until her fingers and toes are wrinkled.

Finally, she stands up on shaky legs, calmly gets dressed. Fixes her hair. Puts on some makeup. And picks up her phone.

“Meet me in my bedroom ASAP,” she summons the soon-to-be-ex-nanny by text message. It should be clear this is a directive, not a request.

She contacts her employee first, not her husband, because she already knows he will lie to her.

He has proven over and over throughout their 20 years together that when faced with her questions, her accusations, her reality-based suspicions, he will deflect and deny.

And then when the truth ultimately comes out, he blames her for whatever it is that he did wrong.

The nanny - Gwen doesn’t even want to think of her by her name any longer; she is simply “the nanny” from now on – meekly knocks on the door, and Gwen calls for her to come in.

By the look in the nanny’s eyes, Gwen can tell she knows what this meeting is about. Perhaps one of the other staff tipped her off. If so, at least she still had the guts to show up.

Gwen picks up the family iPad – the one her freaking children use to play games and watch dumb videos on YouTube – and pulls up the text conversation that a different nanny had shown to her less than two hours earlier. She throws the iPad, face up, on the bed.

“Take a look,” Gwen says.

The nanny gingerly picks up the iPad, only taking a brief glance before her ashen face crumples. Gwen wants to cry, too – this isn’t just her children’s caretaker, this was supposed to be her _friend_ \- but she holds firm.

“I’m so sorry,” the nanny says, her voice small.

“How long?” Gwen asks. “That’s all I want to know. How long?”

The nanny, her platinum blonde hair piled on her head exactly how Gwen has fixed her own, looks up. Her eyes are wet, filled with remorse.

Gwen can tell by the expression on her face that the answer isn’t good.

* * *

_I'm not a rookie, I'm so used to getting played_

_What do I do, I'm not a typical or classic case_

**May**

Just as she knew he would, he had tried to deny it.

He was away on tour when the bombshell blew up in her face. Once she gathered up the strength to call him, his voice over the phone had remained resolute, self-assured.

He hadn’t denied that the photos and lewd conversations were legitimate - at least he didn’t think she was that stupid.

Instead, he told her it was all just a meandering flirtation – he insisted it hadn’t lasted as long as the nanny claimed. He insisted he had never actually crossed the line to sex. He insisted that they work on their marriage, that she not leave him and give their kids a broken home.

He always knows exactly what to say. He told her he was cancelling tour dates, he would rush home to be with her. He told her that he would do anything to fix things.

While he was flying back, she sifted through their wedding photos. She thought about all of the dalliances, all of the shit he’d put her through before, things that she had forgiven in the past. She thought about her parents, how they were still going strong decades into their marriage.

_I don’t want to have wasted the last 20 years_, she thought. _I don’t want my kids to go through a divorce_.

So, she had relented. Her first inclination had been to throw his shit out on the street, but his words – and her deepest desires, her lifelong dream to have a successful, enduring marriage – won out. She agreed to go to counseling, to work on their issues. The baby wasn’t even a year old yet. She had to try.

But the proceeding months had only served to tear her down even more.

Each night, as he lay next to her in bed, his nearness made her cringe. She found herself moving as far away from him as possible; him touching her was out of the question. They went back and forth in counseling about their relationship, the cracks in the foundation that had been there from the beginning. They fixed nothing.

And each day she eyed his phone with suspicion and wondered if he was still talking to the ex-nanny, who had been fired after her confession. If he was talking to any other women out in the world. It was getting harder to believe in her own happy ending. 

In the past she had been able to move on from his indiscretions, to believe that their love would overcome all of his wildness and all of her insecurity. It had been enough that he loved no one but her, that he came home to her alone.

That wasn’t enough for her any longer.

Now, months into this effort to save a relationship well past its expiration date, they sit in yet another counseling session, getting nowhere.

Gwen is already thinking it’s as big of a waste of time as all of their previous sessions when he opens his mouth and the dumbest – and most illuminating - shit falls out of it.

“I was feeling lonely, and I hadn’t felt that I’ve had Gwen’s full attention for several years… since we first had children,” he says, shifting in his seat. “In my own house, I felt like the last priority. That’s why it happened.”

“'It' being the friendship with this other woman?” the counselor prompts. “Communicating with her inappropriately?”

Gwen sees his mouth twitch, the look in his eyes, and she knows. She just knows.

“No, I think he means that’s why he started having sex with her,” Gwen says. “Because I wasn’t as obsessed with him as I used to be. I wasn’t living my entire life to please him anymore. Girls on the road, me at home – that used to be enough. But I wasn’t enough at home anymore – so he turned to someone else who was there. Right?”

He looks at her, and finally, finally, he nods, affirming her words.

The counselor sits back against her chair, eyebrows raised. The tick-tock of the clock on the wall suddenly seems louder, as they all sit in silence for a moment.

“So, you admit now there was an actual, physical affair?” the counselor asks.

He sighs a deep, heavy, annoyed sigh. “Yeah.”

Gwen twists her hands together, thinking back to her confrontation with the nanny.

“How long?” she had asked.

“About three years,” the girl had said through tears. “Three years.”

Three years covers the heartbreak she experienced over No Doubt’s disappointing comeback attempt. It covers her miracle pregnancy, the birth of their third child. It covers her stint on “The Voice,” a career trajectory she had never predicted but one that had been fulfilling and reminded her of her passion for performing and helping others. It covers meaningful events that impacted her entire psyche, her heart, her life.

What she deserved during those times was a faithful partner who supported and uplifted her, who was loyal to her and fought with her through the bad times and celebrated with her through the good times.

That was not what she had gotten.

Gwen knows it is true. He had been fucking not just randoms on the road, no, but a woman who had been responsible for their children, who had been a confidante to Gwen, who had been under their roof day in and day out. For three years.

And for some inexplicable reason, she had let him fuck her over one more time. Even after the nanny confessed, Gwen had let him lie to her, had given him three extra months of her effort, her loyalty, her tears. Just to look like an idiot once again, here in front of their counselor.

He hadn’t deserved another fucking second.

When they arrive home, after a tense and silent car ride that feels 10 times longer than it really is, he follows her to their bedroom. She turns to him, more sure of these next two words than she’s ever been sure of anything in her entire life.

“It’s over.”

These are words she has said to him before. When she was younger, when she was so in love with him she couldn’t see straight, and he had hurt her so badly, she’d tell him they were done while secretly hoping he’d fall on his knees and beg her to stay.

This time she has no hopes, no dreams, no wishes. She wants nothing more from him than to never see his face again.

He doesn’t fight her anymore. They agree that he will stay at the house at first, in another room. They will figure out how and when to tell the boys and their extended families. At some point, he’ll find somewhere else to live, and when they’re ready, they will announce their split in the press.

Until then, she will play happy wife out in public; they will act like a family unit for their kids.

Twenty years, down the drain. She can’t regret it, because without it, she wouldn’t have her three beautiful boys.

But as she lay on the floor of her bathroom in a pool of tears, grieving her marriage and feeling like the biggest failure in the world, she wishes she could go back and do it all over again.

She wants to transport herself back in time about 16 or 17 years ago, when they were broken up but he was calling her. She faced a fork in the road then. She had the choice to either get back together with him or move on without him.

If she could go back right this second, she would close the door in his face and never open it again.

But she can’t go back. Instead, she resolves to pick herself up. Be strong for her children. Figure out what she’s going to do next.

And a week later, like a miracle, like manna falling from the sky, she gets the phone call she’d been hoping for since January.

An opportunity that she hopes will distract her, give her purpose once more, help her put the pieces back together as she moves into her new phase of life.

“Tell them yes,” she says to her manager the moment the offer comes out of his mouth.

She can’t wait to return to The Voice as a coach for its ninth season.


	2. Me Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Blake.

_Hey, there's more of me and you've seen nothing_

_Hey, you've done nothing that I can't repair_

**June**

Something’s not quite right.

She loves all of her fellow Voice coaches, but she had specifically been looking forward to being around the cowboy again because what she remembered most about her time with him last year was how much he made her laugh.

And damn, she really needs to laugh right about now.

But as the coaches meet up for the first time in the new season to tape some promos, she can see that Blake is abnormally subdued. He’s still clever and full of one-liners, but something’s not the same about him – his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

If she’s honest with herself, her attention last year very often gravitated to the tall country singer. Pharrell was her close friend, a calming and comfortable presence. Adam was all over the place in a good way, his praise and enthusiasm about No Doubt giving her warm and fuzzy feelings.

But there was something so fascinating about Blake, someone so different from the world of people she normally surrounded herself with that she couldn’t help but be intrigued by him.

They may have never gotten to know each other on a deep and meaningful level, but one thing she knew for sure was that being around him always felt _good_.

So the fact that he barely seems able to lift the corners of his mouth into a smile when the camera isn't on him is hard to miss.

A couple of weeks later, she finds herself watching him again as the coaches, producers, and Carson meet to go over some show notes before the blind auditions are set to begin.

She eyes Blake as they sit in a circle, watching as he shakes his knee while turning his wedding ring around and around on his finger.

She looks down at her own left hand. The huge diamond is such a lie, but she can’t take it off just yet. She and Gavin are trying to get some things settled ahead of filing the divorce paperwork, and she doesn’t want the media to figure out the truth until they’re ready. Taking off her ring would be like setting off a flare gun announcing that something was desperately wrong, and they aren’t ready to deal with those questions.

Carrying around this secret is a weight that she wants to be relieved of, but that relief will have to wait. She will have to wait.

As their meeting progresses, Blake suddenly clears his throat. Gwen notices him messing with his wedding ring again.

"I need to tell y'all something important," he says. "Something that you need to know before we start filming."

His eyes are tired and his tone is serious, so unlike his normal jovial demeanor. Gwen looks over at Adam, whose jaw is set. He seems to know what Blake is about to say. She glances at Pharrell, who looks just as perplexed as she feels.

"It's not out in the open yet, but... I am getting a divorce," Blake says finally. "By the time these episodes air, it will be final and it will be public, so... I just didn't want anyone to say something that would be awkward or get misinterpreted in a few months. If we could avoid mentioning her... that would be for the best."

"I'm sorry, man," Pharrell says, reaching over to pat Blake's shoulder. Carson murmurs a similar sentiment, and Adam nods in support.

Gwen feels frozen in place, her stomach doing cartwheels. Blake looks over at her, and her eyes pool with tears.

No one here knows what she's going through, not even Pharrell or Carson, and she wasn't prepared to tell them yet. But her secret feels even heavier now, it feels obvious. It feels as if Blake just announced her divorce to the group instead of his own. She wishes she had his courage.

They all head out to start filming, and Blake somehow becomes his normal charming self on camera. He makes her laugh, and she finds herself trying her best to make him laugh, too. She wants to give him a hug.

In the days leading up to filming, she had worried that she'd have to feign happiness and put on a show for the cameras, hide what was really going on in her personal life.

But as she laughs with the coaches and connects to the performers, she realizes it isn't as hard to feel happy as she thought it would be. This environment, these people, really bring out a lightness in her that isn't forced, isn't faked.

She can almost forget about her destroyed marriage for a few minutes at a time when she's here.

* * *

_You’re fading so fast_

_I can hardly see you when I look back_

They've been on a break from filming for about 15 minutes. Her makeup has been refreshed, and finally alone in her chair with nothing else to do, she takes out her phone to check for any messages about the boys.

After a minute, she feels a shadow looming over her, and to her surprise, she looks up to see Blake standing there, resting his hand on the arm of her chair.

"What's up?" she asks softly.

"I just feel..." he trails off. His blue eyes meet hers, and she feels herself tearing up again.

"I kind of feel sick," he says.

Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Pharrell walking towards them. Blake notices too and removes his hand from her chair, starts to back away.

"I need to talk to you later," she says quickly, firmly. "After we're done."

Blake raises his eyebrows and nods, then returns to his own chair. Gwen swallows, hard. Blake coming over to her like that… he’s never done that before. She doesn’t want him to feel alone in this. _She_ doesn’t want to feel alone in this.

Hours later, as they're finishing up for the day, she gathers her courage and sidles up next to him as they walk backstage.

"Look, I just wanted to tell you that you're not the only one going through this," she says quietly, glancing back over her shoulder to ensure no one else is nearby. "Like, literally. I'm in the exact same situation you are, and I hate it. It sucks more than anything has ever sucked. If you ever want to talk... just feel free to email me or something, okay? I could use a friend."

Blake's eyes soften; his sympathy for her is evident on his face.

"I'm really sorry to hear that. I could use a friend, too," he says. "Adam has been a rock for me lately, but..."

"He's happily married," Gwen completes his sentence. "Yeah, uh, my brother and sister-in-law have been huge for me these past few months, but they don't quite get it. Their relationship is perfect."

Blake leans down and hugs her briefly. "Does anyone else here know?" he asks in her ear before releasing her.

She shakes her head quickly. "No one. Not yet."

He squeezes her arm. "Your secret's safe with me."

That night, as she has dinner with her kids, feeds the baby, goes through some notes for the album she's in the middle of recording, she finds herself checking her email periodically, unsure why she feels so antsy. 

And then to her surprise, his name pops up in her inbox.

** _Thank you for telling me. It's crazy we're both going through this.... How are your kids taking it? Are they doing okay?_ **

She is touched at the question; that he would think about and show concern for her boys. It immediately makes her feel secure, makes her want to spill everything to him.

She finds herself writing a long missive back, hoping he isn't turned off by her inevitable spelling mistakes and typos. She sends the email off around 11, and 30 minutes later, an equally long message comes back. Their stories are shockingly similar. They have ridden the same roller coaster of emotions, a ride they both want off, as soon as possible.

Blake is so candid with her. He tells her that just about a month ago, he was a complete wreck over the breakdown of his marriage. He had stopped eating, could hardly get out of bed.

Her desperation overflows to share with someone other than her family and friends, who are sympathetic and loving but who she almost feels embarrassed to be completely honest with. Because the fact is, they knew for a long time that she should have left him. They tried to warn her, very early on, and she didn’t listen. She pauses before typing her next message to Blake.

** _I’m just so embarrassed. It’s bad enough that a relationship of 20 years is ending, it’s bad enough that my children have to go through this, but I feel like it’s my fault, somehow. I turned a blind eye so many times when we were dating, and it empowered him. It made him feel he could get away with it, and he was right. _ **

**_It’s not your fault, _**he wrote back.**_ I’ve had the same thoughts… I should have made an effort to see her more, or maybe I could have quit The Voice when I saw it was keeping me away from home. I should have done this or that… At the end of the day, they made the decisions they made and they could have done something different. We didn’t force them to be disloyal, they chose that all on their own._**

Before she knows it, it's 3 a.m. and they've written back and forth at least five times each. She is going to be dragging tomorrow.

"I'm going to bed now," she writes regretfully. "But I would love to talk to you more soon... I'm putting my number below in case you don't have it."

He promptly responds with his own number, and she enters it into her phone contacts with his name and the cowboy emoji.

"Thank you, friend," she texts him. "Talk to you soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Gwen has been quoted as saying Blake told them about his divorce July 7, but blinds began filming in late June, so I'm adjusting to that timeline and assuming maybe she was just off by a week.


	3. Obsessed

_Living in a dream don't mean anything_

_My brain's unorganized_

_I am using you temporarily_

_'Cause we keep locking eyes_

**July**

Every time she looks over at him, he's already looking back at her.

They've been emailing and texting almost nonstop for the past week. All hours of the day and evening, and even sometimes into the early morning.

She was a little nervous to see him again in person, the first time she'd see his face since telling him so much about her personal life, the truth about her toxic marriage. She's sure he secretly thinks she is the biggest doormat on earth for staying with Gavin as long as she did.

But the things he's told her about himself - his regrets from his first marriage, his pain, the betrayal he also endured recently, so similar to her own - she knows there isn't an ounce of judgment coming from him.

Then last night, knowing her kids were away and she was free, he had actually called her. They’d talked for two hours.

"You're one of the most amazing, beautiful people who has ever existed," he said, late into their conversation. "Your ex is a fucking idiot."

She had been taken aback by his frankness, wasn't sure how to respond at first. She wants to tell him the same thing; she wants to admit that she had been slightly jealous of Miranda last year, that she'd sometimes wished she had a husband as funny and carefree as him. That Miranda was so stupid to let him go.

Instead, she'd mumbled a “thank you” and changed direction of the conversation.

Now, back together on the Voice set to finish out the blind auditions, the vibe between them has been noticeably different. She feels like she knows him so much better, so much more intimately, than she did before, and it's only been a week of talking.

"Hey," he says softly when they both find themselves walking backstage at the same time during a break.

"Hi there."

"How's it going today?"

"You know..." her voice trails off. "Gavin has the kids the rest of this week, so I'm just trying to keep myself busy when I go home. I've been working on music and stuff, but... I can't turn my brain off when I want to, you know?"

Blake looks at her, his eyes soft. "What are you doing tonight?" he asks.

She shrugs. "Probably try to go to bed early, I guess," she says. "If I can sleep."

Blake looks around, then leans in a little closer. "The paperwork has been filed in Oklahoma. It will be final real soon."

Gwen's face drops, and she looks up at him with sympathy.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers. "How are you feeling?"

Blake sighs. "It's kind of a relief, I guess. I don't want to drag this out any longer than I have to. I want to be free of this, I want to... move on."

Their eyes meet as he says the last two words, and she feels something shift inside her. She doesn't know what it is, but something tangible is in the air between them. She nods.

"I want to move on, too," she says.

After a moment of locking eyes, they both start to talk at the same time, then stop and chuckle.

"You go first," she says.

"I just... if you're thinking you might be lonely tonight... maybe we could hang out?" he suggests. "It would be nice to get my mind off this crap for a little while. Otherwise I'm going back to my empty rental, and it's a pretty shitty place to be most days. Let alone a day like today."

Gwen hesitates for just a second. Suddenly, she feels a little scared. Things have progressed so quickly. He went from being an acquaintance to a friend to the person who knows all her secrets, in a super short amount of time. Now, hanging out alone with him, outside of work? 

She would be lying if she said his blue eyes, his dimples, his towering presence didn't make her feel some kind of way when she looked at him. He was the antithesis of her normal type, but dammit if she hadn't always been attracted to him, even if she didn't fully admit it to herself last year.

Now, she finds herself on the precipice of something, a mysterious pull that she doesn't really want to fight.

Maybe they'll just hang out and become buddies, she reasons to herself. She can add him to her cache of best guy friends, alongside Pharrell and Carson and Justin.

But deep down, she already knows it's not going to be that simple.

"Sure," she says. "I'd love to hang out... Where do you live?"

* * *

_Pull over on the side of the road_

_I'm texting you on my telephone_

_Got my windows down_

_Guess I'm not going home_

Gwen's not drunk, just a little buzzed from the two and a half glasses of wine she's had ever since she got to Blake's place two hours earlier. She's always been a lightweight with alcohol anyway. Add in her lack of an appetite today, and it's not a good combination.

But she is equally buzzed on good feelings. Ever since she arrived on his doorstep in casual clothes, a little makeup, and a large pizza in hand, she's been smiling.

They spent the last week pouring out their hearts about their divorces. But tonight, as they sit on the floor in front of his couch watching something dumb on TV, their exes haven't come up in conversation once.

Instead, they've talked about their families, their contestants on The Voice, their favorite music, their favorite movies. She laughs so much, her sides ache.

“You have made me smile so much since the day I met you,” she says. “You’re just… you’re so awesome. It’s crazy.”

Blake takes a sip of beer before replying. He smiles at her fondly.

"I can't believe how intimidated I was by you when we first met," he says, shaking his head. "Then I was shocked at how normal you were, but I still felt like... you were still kind of untouchable. And now look at us."

She lifts up her wine glass to clink it with his beer bottle.

"Look at us," she repeats, smiling back at him. She feels warm, safe, relaxed.

She puts her glass down and leans back against the couch, lifting her arms up as she stretches. Her eyes flit to Blake to see that he is looking downward, and she realizes her shirt has risen, exposing her belly button. He looks back up at her eyes, and the expression on his face is different.

She thinks it over. She knows he is attracted to her. And she's definitely attracted to him. She doesn't want to let herself entertain the thought of anything more. She doesn't know if her heart can take anything more.

But she wants to feel wanted. She wants to feel good. She knows he can make her feel good.

Slowly, she leans a little closer toward him, bringing their faces inches apart. They stare at each other for a moment, and his eyes display a question. He wants her confirmation that she's thinking what he's thinking. She nods slightly, licking her lips.

He brings his hand up to her face, his large hand palming her cheek.

They both move in, and when their lips meet for the first time, she feels a shock go through her body. It’s the first time in 20 years she’s kissed someone who wasn’t Gavin. 

It's soft and slow at first, but quickly becomes more intense. Their lips meet over and over again, until she opens her mouth and feels his tongue slide against hers.

She is swept up in the newness of this feeling, the taste of his mouth, the warmth from his hands moving down her arms and resting on her hips, pulling her ever more closer to him. She plays with the top button of his shirt as they make out, sliding her hand down his chest before letting it rest right above his belt buckle. Her head is swimming but none of her thoughts are making sense - just one word: _yes_.

She feels his fingers gingerly slip under the hem of her shirt, lightly grazing her skin there.

This is happening so fast. She slowly ends the kissing, moving back just a few inches away from him so she can look him in the eyes. His face is flushed, his eyes twinkling.

"Did we just do that?" he asks, his drawl thick as he gazes at her, a smile playing on his lips.

She knows she is blushing, and she laughs self-consciously. "Uh, yeah, I guess we did."

Blake's face turns serious, and he reaches out and places his hand gently on her knee. "Are you okay? I know things are all confused right now and this was kind of sudden. I didn't plan for that to happen, when I asked you to come over here."

Gwen quickly nods. "Oh, I know you didn't plan anything, I know," she assures him. "And yes, I'm okay. I'm... I'm better than okay." She smiles mischievously. "You're a really good kisser."

Blake laughs, that genuine, big laugh she's come to like so much. "Thank you. Same to you."

They smile at each other, and Blake starts patting his hair, realizing it got mussed up during their escapade.

"What now?" he asks, looking down at the ground before looking back at her.

Gwen pauses. This is... this is complicated. And it could get messy. They are two people coming off really bad situations, who will be working together off and on for the next several months. The last thing they need is to embark on something that could only further hurt both of them and make their working situation a real bitch to deal with.

The Voice was supposed to be her escape, her vehicle for moving on and coming out on top of the shitty hand of cards she’s been dealt. She can't let it become a further drain on her emotional stability just because she gets mixed up with one of her coworkers and it ends badly.

But, but, but. She wants this so bad. She needs this. God.

"What if..." she says, cautiously, because she doesn't want him to take this the wrong way. "What if we just live in the moment? We can... we can keep hanging out, keep talking... Having you to talk to about everything has been a freaking godsend, you know? And we can just... let things happen as they happen, and not get caught up in some big meaning behind it. You know?" 

What she doesn't say, what she hopes he understands, is that they can help each other get over their exes and do that moving on they both want to do. No strings attached. Some might call it a rebound. Some might call it using each other to get through a bad time.

But if they're both using each other, what's the harm? Maybe they can come out on the other side better, healed, and still be friends in the end. Just as long as it doesn't get complicated or confused with something more.

In response, Blake leans over and softly kisses her once, then twice.

"That sounds... good," he says, his dimples making a welcome appearance. "Really good."


	4. Splash

_Must be a sign_

_All the energy's bringing me right back to you_

He’ll be heading back to Oklahoma tomorrow. Gwen doesn't know whether she's more sad or more relieved. This thing they've been doing - as good as it feels - the secret meetings, the kissing, the talking, the touching... it also feels dangerous. It feels reckless.

But when he asks if he can see her the night before he leaves, she doesn’t hesitate to agree. There's already a magnetic quality to their situation, something she can't tear herself away from. The sun is setting as she drives to his house, and she tries to temper the combination of nervousness and anticipation she feels. 

“What the fuck am I doing?” she murmurs. 

He looks tired when he opens the door to her, but the light in his eyes is unmistakable. She tries to quell her smile. They have to tread carefully. They can't be too happy to see each other.

"Drink?" he asks. She nods gratefully.

They sit on his couch, just talking, drinking, and gently touching each other every now and then - an elbow, a shoulder, a knee. Though she is anxious about the situation overall, she can’t get over how at ease she feels with him, how fast this all happened. He was a stranger to her a year ago. Still merely a work acquaintance a month ago.

“So, I have to admit, I was checking out some old No Doubt music videos online the other day,” Blake says, his eyes twinkling.

Gwen laughs even as she cringes from potential embarrassment. “Oh my God, which ones?”

“Mostly the ones from the mid-90s, I think, but also I found this really crazy one called ‘Trapped In A Box’?”

“Whoa! You dug really deep in the archives,” she says, feeling flattered that he was watching her band’s old videos. “That’s crazy.”

“You looked really cute in that one,” he says, pinching her cheek. “Really beautiful.”

“I was so young. That’s when I was still with Tony.” She sighs. “Another relationship that broke me when it ended.”

She looks down at her manicure, biting her lip. She doesn’t know why she’s feeling emotional right this second. It’s not like she’s still heartbroken over Tony, for God’s sake.

She just wonders why she’s been so unlucky in love her entire life. She always tried to make her relationships succeed by sheer force of will. She knew she had enough love to make it work, even if that love wasn’t reciprocated at quite the same level.

But her love was never sufficient. She wasn’t enough.

Blake lifts her face upward with his fingertip on her chin.

“Hey,” he says softly. “I am in awe of you. I don’t see someone broken in front of me.”

She nods, peering into his eyes. The look he’s giving her just makes her want to cry. He's so beautiful. She doesn’t want to talk about the past anymore.

“Me either,” she replies.

She pulls him to her then, grabbing onto the front of his shirt as his lips meet hers. She kisses him frantically, wanting to erase all of these melancholy thoughts from her mind.

“Hey,” he says with a laugh as she straddles him, pushing him back on the sofa.

She begins kissing along his neck, silencing his laughter. They kiss and kiss and kiss, and soon enough, she feels him growing hard against her.

“You feel so good,” he whispers in her ear.

“So do you.” He does, he really does. It's not like any warm body would do. The way his arms envelop her so perfectly, the way he smells, the way he softly moans as she shifts above him - it wouldn't be this nice with anyone else, she just knows it.

She unbuttons his shirt and slides her hands down his bare chest, kissing along his collarbone. Emboldened, he slips his own hands up her shirt, making their way to her breasts, cupping her over her bra. But when his fingers make their way down to unbutton her jeans, she freezes. 

Her desire battles her fear. This was the whole point, wasn't it? This was what she wanted, this physical exploration, the pleasure of being with someone new. She wants him. But she's scared. She's trying to pretend there aren't any feelings here to be hurt, but she knows herself better than that. When they cross that line, she'll likely be a goner. She doesn't want to give herself over to someone else again like that so soon. She doesn't know if she can handle it again.

She sits up quickly, moving off of him, re-buttoning her pants, and the rapturous look on Blake's face is replaced with confusion, then alarm. "I'm sorry," he says. "I pushed too far."

"No, no, no, it's me," Gwen says, backing up to the other side of the couch, straightening her shirt and wiping her mouth. She tries to stop her hands from trembling.

"I'm just... I'm sorry. I thought I was ready for this, for something... but I don't think I am. It's not fair to you or me to rush into something like this, even if we think it's just for, like, fun."

"Fun," Blake repeats.

"Yeah, I just... I know you're not over your wife and I'm not over my husband," she starts. She flinches as she says the words. 

"Ex-wife," Blake murmurs.

"Yes. And ex-husband," she corrects herself. "I'm sorry. I just... maybe this was a bad idea. You know?"

She stands up, looking for her shoes and trying to avoid Blake's eyes.

"Gwen," he says calmly. His steady tone surprises her. She looks up to catch his gaze.

"You have to know I care about you, a lot," he says. "I don't want anything to happen that will hurt you or me. This... this can be whatever you want it to be. We can go back to just talking, if you want. I really don't want to lose your friendship, though."

Gwen shakes her head. "You won't, I promise." Her heart feels like it's going to explode, the way it's beating so fast. She wants to embrace him and run away at the same time. He starts buttoning up his shirt, and she locates her purse and keys, grabbing them in one fell swoop.

"Why don't we just... you're going home tomorrow, and I'm going on vacation with my boys soon, so we'll both be busy," she said. 'We'll see each other again in a few weeks for the show, and maybe we can talk then and see how we feel?"

She tries to plead with him with her eyes. She knows it will be difficult to go from talking to him constantly to not talking for weeks. But this is starting to scare her, and she doesn't want to lose control.

Blake looks sad. "Whatever you want," he says. "You can call me whenever you want."

She bites her lip, then against her better judgment leans down to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I... I'll see you later."

After she's made it safely to her car, leaving him inside, alone on the couch, she realizes she wants to cry. There is still so much she has to work out inside herself. These emotions are just confusing her all over again.

She doesn’t know what she’s doing. She knows this can’t be more than what it is. She knows it won’t last.

* * *

_I'm awakening like a rosebud flowering_

_Look at me, I'm turning on, busting like a neon_

_Flickering on again, lightning in the dark _

The news breaks early on a Monday morning, the day she is set to leave for vacation in Montana with the boys.

"Blake Shelton & Miranda Lambert - divorcing" the headline on TMZ reads. Gwen's stomach sinks when she sees the news has broken online. Blake filed several weeks ago, but this is the first time his situation has been made public. And the divorce will likely be final that day, the report says.

She feels sick for Blake. The onslaught of attention that is about to come his way is not going to help his emotional recovery process whatsoever. She envisions him having a setback, even. Suddenly she is worried for him, and she immediately finds his name in her contacts to call him.

His voicemail picks up, but she doesn't leave a message. Instead she sends a text: **_Here if u need to talk. Thinking about u. gx_**

When he hasn't responded by the time she and the kids are boarding a plane, she tries to call him again. To her surprise, he answers.

"Are you okay?" she asks, trying to hide the worry she's sure is evident in her tone. They haven't spoken in days, and hearing his voice when he says hello makes her feel like crying.

"Yeah. I'm hiding out at a friend's house," he says. "My phone is a real shit show right now."

"I'm about to take off for Montana," she says. "But I can let you know when I land if you need to talk. I really want to be there for you if you're feeling upset."

"I'm good," he assures her. "I... I have some friends here with me, and I know you need to take this time to spend with the kids and think about stuff yourself. But I appreciate you calling me."

She nods, trying to hold back the emotion rising in her throat. She wishes she was there with him right now, that she could comfort him.

"The offer stands, just know that," she replies. "If you need to call, text, I'm here. I _want_ to be here."

The kids are rowdy on the plane ride, which helps keep her somewhat distracted from obsessing over Blake for the duration of their flight. Finally, she and the boys land in Montana for their ranch and horseback-riding vacation. It was planned long before she ever got involved with Blake, but the nature of the environment only serves to remind her of a cowboy at every turn.

Not that she wasn’t already thinking about him every other minute. The news stories are pumping out on every outlet, rumors are flying, social media is on fire; everyone is talking about Blake's divorce. 

It will be her turn soon enough. She and Gavin have been getting things ironed out and ready, as much as they possibly can - there is still much to be determined, but the rest of that will have to come after she files. Thanks to her youthful naivete, her fervent belief that marriage was for life and she would die before getting a divorce, they had no prenuptial agreement. So… that’s going to be fun.

She plans to have her lawyer make it official sometime after they return from vacation, and Gavin's lawyer will file his response at the same time. Though Gavin isn't with them on this trip, this is one last chance for her kids to have a peaceful vacation, a semblance of normalcy and their old life, before the whirlwind begins.

At night, after she's put the boys to bed, she finds herself listening over and over to the demo of a song she laid down in the studio earlier this month. She'd started writing it the day after she and Blake first kissed, first decided they might try to explore something together.

She wrote it in a moment when she was feeling much bolder, much more confident than she was the day she ran out of his house, basically told him she wanted him to leave her alone for a few weeks.

_Must be a sign_

_All the energy's pulling me right back to you_

_Tonight, gonna bottle you up and wear it like perfume_

_All right, we going in, **it's what we're supposed to do**_

_Tonight, open wide_

_Splash, I'm diving in_

She listens to the words closely, thinking about Blake. He brings out feelings in her she hasn't actually felt in a long time. She is terrified of what might happen, but she can't bring herself to turn away from him either. She pictures him lying in bed tonight, alone, and she wishes she could be there with him, wrap her arms around him, kiss his lips.

What could possibly be wrong about two people helping each other, getting some pleasure together, being there for each other?

She doesn't want to run away from it. She can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gwen on the song Splash: "I remember going to Montana for a cleansing calm vacation and listening to this song on repeat and when I came home, my life changed forever. This song is major for me."


	5. Getting Warmer

_I got an idea, you can save me and I can save you_

_I got an idea, we can be nice and we can tell the truth _

**August**

Except for a few generic text messages - "How are you doing?" "OK, how are you doing?" "OK" - Gwen doesn't get much communication from Blake during the rest of her trip and afterward.

That was what she asked for. She essentially said she needed space. But as soon as his divorce became public, she worried about him. She was yearning to talk to him. The more time she spent away from home, out in nature, the more she realized she wanted to shed her fears and dive in with Blake, wherever it may lead.

Now back in L.A., she's antsy for him to return, be in the same city as her. To give her another chance. To be her friend again.

The next filming dates for The Voice are a week away. It's a good thing, too; she'll need the distraction.

On a Monday morning, her lawyer's office calls to confirm that the paperwork for her divorce has been filed. Knowing that it won't be long before the media gets hold of the news, her manager is set to release a statement later that afternoon.

_"While the two of us have come to the mutual decision that we will no longer be partners in marriage, we remain partners in parenthood and are committed to jointly raising our three sons in a happy and healthy environment. To that end, we respectfully request privacy from the media during this time.”_

Her lawyer had crafted the sentiment, and Gavin approved it through his own attorney. She and her soon-to-be-ex-husband aren't exactly talking directly these days, except for the occasional message about the kids.

Over the past couple of days, Gwen had started making sure key people in her life, those outside of her family who hadn't been clued in yet, knew about the divorce before the announcement was made. She'd finally let her No Doubt band mates know what was happening. They'd done some concerts together in the spring, and keeping the secret from them had been tough. She'd also called Pharrell, then sent Adam and Carson separate texts, just so they wouldn't be caught off guard since she knew they might be asked questions about it later due to their Voice connection.

Now, she takes a deep breath and texts Blake.

** _Hey, just to let u know, lawyer filed today. We're issuing a statement to get ahead of the press, should be out soon. If u have any tips on how to handle what comes next, pls let me know. gx_ **

She isn't expecting him to call her, but that's what he does, one minute after she sends off the text.

"Hey there," she answers, her excitement to hear from him embarrassingly obvious.

"So it's really happening, huh?"

"Yep... and then the real fun begins," she says wryly.

"He's not going to give you a hard time about the kids, is he?" Blake asks, an edge to his voice.

"No, it will be all about money and assets. We've agreed to joint custody... I'm not going to try and keep them away from him. There's nothing for him to fight there."

She hears Blake sigh over the line, and they are silent for a moment. She gathers up her courage, shoving down her pride.

"When are you coming back?" she asks, her voice cracking. She's emotional because the official-ness of the divorce filing is emotional, and she's emotional because hearing Blake's voice makes her emotional. She just wants another chance. "I miss you."

He lets out a breath. "You do?" he asks. He doesn't sound convinced.

"Yes," she says firmly. "A lot. When are you coming?"

Blake tells her that he still has some stuff to sort out in Oklahoma for the next few days. Miranda's belongings are finally all gone, and he's doing some remodeling.

"I was going to fly in the day before we have to film again," he says, trailing off. Gwen wonders if there's a "but" coming.

"I don't have the kids that week," she says quickly, not wanting to get her hopes up that this will change his plans. "So, you know, if you end up coming in a little earlier... for whatever reason... I'd love to see you."

Blake is quiet for a second, and she prepares herself for rejection. Maybe in their time apart he's decided she was right before, this isn't good for them.

Finally, he speaks. "I might be able to come out a day early or so," he says.

Even as her heart leaps at his concession, she tries to play it cool. "You don't have to do that just for me..."

"Oh, it wouldn't be for you, pretty girl," he drawls, a tease in his voice. "You know how much I just love L.A., my favorite town. I sure do miss that smog."

She laughs. "Just let me know when you're getting here."

They murmur their goodbyes, and just in case he has any doubts about how she's feeling, she decides to be bold once more. "I can't wait to see you," she says softly. "I do miss you."

"Me too, darlin," he replies. She can hear the smile in his voice. She is smiling too when she ends the call, staring down at her phone.

"Who was that?" a voice says from behind her. She turns on her heel, her face going white. Kingston, her oldest, is standing there, his head cocked to the side.

He's only 9 years old, but he's an intelligent kid. He'll know if she tries to excuse her way out of this.

"Um, that was my friend," she says, reaching out to squeeze King's shoulder. "You remember Blake, from The Voice? The country singer?"

Kingston nods, but his little face looks confused. King and Zuma interacted with Blake some when they visited the set last year, but because she and Blake weren't particularly close, her kids didn't get to know him all that well. Her exchanging this intimate conversation with Blake now is probably confusing to her son, depending on how much he heard.

Gwen still isn't sure how much to address with the kids when it comes to Blake. She doesn't know if he'll ever even see them outside of when they visit the set, so for now, she proceeds with caution.

"He's become a real good friend to me lately, so I'm just happy I'll be seeing him again soon for the show," she explains. "You know, like how you're excited to see your friends at school after summer vacation?"

King nods, and she kisses him on the top of his head. "Do you want to help me get stuff ready for dinner?"

As they head to the kitchen, she looks down at her phone and sees that she suddenly has 10 new text messages. Looks like the news got out about the divorce.

Yep. One look at Google News shows her that it’s already being picked up by the major outlets. "Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale Are Divorcing,” all the headlines proclaim. Short and to the point.

E! News declares on Twitter that love is dead. Us Magazine has quickly slopped together a slideshow of all the "Gwen + Gavin" photos they have in their archives. Her Twitter mentions are beginning to blow up with messages from grieving fans.

_Buzz, buzz, buzz._ She keeps getting text messages from people she hasn't spoken to in years, acquaintances wanting to express their condolences.

** _So sorry to hear the news._ **

** _Are you OK? I know it's been a while but if you need anything..._ **

** _Oh my god Gwen, I'm soooooo sorry!!!!_ **

She'll respond to them all later. Right now, she's going to have dinner with her kids.

* * *

_I got an idea, you can like me just like I like you_

_I got an idea, I can tell you everything, like we're supposed to do_

_Let it be mutual, let it be crucial_

Blake tells her not to bring food - he's going to take care of that. Gwen wonders what he has up his sleeve, seeing as how he only landed in L.A. an hour ago.

She is jittery with anticipation as she approaches his doorstep. Every time they’ve spent time together, they’ve done so only at his place, even when her kids are gone. She hasn't had the courage to invite him over just yet, to the home she shared with Gavin. Blake’s leased house seems like safer, more neutral ground.

When he opens the door, everything from his blue eyes and his dimples to his familiar plaid shirt and his baseball cap make her heart swell.

"Hi," she squeaks out, slipping into the foyer and falling into his arms. "Long time."

"Yeah," he replies, leaning down to kiss her forehead as they hug. "Long time." They break apart just slightly, and she beams up at him.

"Something smells good," she says motioning toward the kitchen. "What did you do?"

He takes her hand and leads her to the kitchen that he seems to rarely use judging by the pristine condition of his appliances, save for an older-looking coffee maker and a microwave that sits on the counter, plugged in with the incorrect time on the clock.

On the kitchen table, two places are set with plates and silverware. A bottle of wine, bowl of salad, and takeout boxes rest in the center.

"I didn't do much," he says shrugging. "Just thought you'd like to try my favorite food here in L.A. Adam introduced it to me. A little hole-in-the-wall Italian place. Do you like spaghetti? There's no meat in yours."

Gwen approaches the table, admiring the set-up as she tries to quell her grin, covering her mouth with her hand. Any time they've eaten together before, it's been sitting on the floor at his coffee table in the living room. This... this could almost be like a mini date. If they were in that place. She still isn't sure where or what they are.

She turns to him, biting her lip. "You are _so_ cute."

He grins. "I know."

She playfully punches his arm. "And of course I love Italian food, duh," she says, moving around to sit at one of the place settings. "This is so rad."

He sits across from her and opens the boxes, handing her some serving forks so she can make her own plate.

"I didn't know you even had any favorite restaurants in the city," she says, pointing at him. "So you admit it - L.A. isn't all bad."

He looks up at her. "No, I'd say there are more than a few things I appreciate about L.A. right about now."

He holds her gaze until she grows nervous and quickly turns her attention to another box down the table. "Ooooh, pass me some of that garlic bread," she says, holding out her hand. He smiles at her and complies.

When they're done eating, Gwen insists on cleaning up, putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher (which also appears to have never been used, since the how-to manual is resting inside the appliance on the top rack), then boxing up the leftovers and putting them in the fridge. Blake leans against the counter while she moves about, watching her with a bemused smile.

"Want to tell me more about your vacation?" he asks when she's finished. "Are you a cowgirl now?"

"Ha, ha," she replies, taking his hand when he offers it to her. They walk to the living room, sinking down onto the sofa. She regales him with stories from her time in Montana, how much the kids loved it, how connected to nature she felt out there. She hopes to go back next year, she says.

"You'd like Oklahoma too, then," he says, tracing her open palm with his index finger. "I always feel at peace when I'm there."

They interlock fingers, and she tries to slow down the anxious thoughts that are trying to plant roots in her mind. They're just living in the moment, she reminds herself. She just wants to focus on right now.

"You never told me how you dealt with everything right after your divorce news came out," she says. "Were you really okay? I wanted to be there for you. I felt super bad that you might think you couldn't talk to me because of... what happened before."

It's not lost on her that they're sitting on the very couch where she last freaked out when they got too close. She tries not to let the memory, those old fears, affect her now.

"I was really okay," he says. "I told you... getting it behind me was a relief. But the media attention sucks. Those trash magazines suck." He looks up at her. "I don't know if you've seen any of that shit... "

She shakes her head; she avoids that stuff as much as possible. Blake nods, looking relieved.

"Good, because it's all garbage. And then Miranda and I had to do this little Twitter exchange to try and calm people down, but most saw through it for what it was. I'm not trying to talk to her, and she's not trying to talk to me."

Gwen leans over and hugs him to her, and he shifts so she can settle against his chest. They stay like that for another hour, catching up, telling each other everything they've been dealing with in the time they were away from each other. Gwen can't deny how good it feels to be in his arms, to be his confidante.

Finally, she starts yawning, and she figures it's time to go while she can still drive safely.

"You were so sweet to do this tonight," she says as he walks her to the door. "I'm really glad you missed the smog so much that you came back a little early."

Blake laughs. The expression on his face is so soft, so earnest. She can't help herself. She places her hands on his shoulders and stands up on her tip-toes so she can be closer to him. His eyes close, and she presses her lips to his, soft and sweet.

"Good night, Blake," she says as she pulls away.

"Good night, pretty girl."

* * *

_Am I getting warmer? Am I closer to the sun?_

_Am I getting warmer? Tell me baby, are you the one?_

Gwen's not sure if the rest of The Voice coaches are blind or if the idea is just so ridiculous that they wouldn't believe it even if it was spelled out for them in black and white.

They've been on set for a few hours filming the battle rounds for the show, and Blake is hardly even trying to hide it when he flirts with her.

With every comment he makes, every blatant look he throws her way, she wonders if that's the moment a light bulb is going to go off for Pharrell or Adam or Carson, and they're going to figure out what's been going on in secret between her and Blake.

She reasons that they're used to seeing Blake act this way with females, but he's not usually like this with _her_. Like he said, he seemed to always view her as untouchable, he put her on a pedestal and usually refrained from flirting with her too flagrantly in the past.

For her part, she can't help but smile every time she looks in his direction. Laugh at every single joke he makes. She feels like there should be a flashing neon sign over their heads: **WE WANT EACH OTHER BAD**

At one point, she goes to steal a contestant who was just eliminated during a battle round. Blake then presses his button too, setting up a competition between the two of them. She's just _sure_ he only did it because he wanted to mess with her. When Blake wins the contestant, he walks over to her, clapping and smiling as he stares at her.

"Don't cry," he says teasingly, looking her up and down as she stands with her hands on her hips, pretending to be angry with him.

She keeps telling herself to cool it with the looks, the flirting, the laughing. How has Pharrell, who knows her better than most people, not caught on yet?

During a break, Blake joins her to walk to the back, and she mildly scolds him. "You're being so obvious," she says, her voice just above a whisper.

"_You're_ being so obvious," he retorts smugly. "Try to tone it down with the lust, okay? There are children in the audience." She playfully smacks his arm.

She decides now is the time to ask him what she's been thinking of asking him for the past couple of days. It seems like the right step.

"I've got my house to myself for the rest of the week," she starts, and Blake's amused face turns serious. "I was thinking maybe you could come to my place for a change... But no pressure, honestly. You don't have to."

Blake leans in closer. "You're on. Tonight?"

She smiles. "I'll text you the address."

Hours later, she's home and trying to find the right outfit to change into. She picks out a black slip dress, then puts on some fresh makeup and styles her hair, down and loose.

She's not sure what's going to happen tonight. But she thinks back to her song, "Splash," and vows to herself not to let her fears win out again. She will say yes to herself this time.

When Blake arrives, he seems taken aback by her appearance. Usually she wears jeans or something casual when they hang out. But just like he surprised her the other night with dinner, she's decided to up the ante for him.

"You are so beautiful," he says when they hug hello, as if he can't keep his thoughts inside his head. Actually, that's one of the things she likes best about him - his honesty. She tells him so.

She shows him around some of the house, even bringing him to peek in on her boys' empty rooms. She absolutely hates it when they're gone; she can hardly go in their rooms herself when they're not at home with her. In the beginning, it made her cry to do so.

But with Blake, she wants to show him because she wants him to get an idea of their little personalities, displayed in how they have their rooms set up; so unique from each other and ever evolving.

They return to one of the living rooms and sit and talk for a bit, holding hands and exchanging kisses here and there.

"I was wondering if I would ever come to your house," Blake admits as he runs a finger up and down her forearm. The motion makes goosebumps rise on her skin. She moves closer to him. "I'm glad you let me see it. It's very you. Different and colorful and complex and..."

She leans in and kisses him, cutting him off before he can go on one of his tangents about how great she is.

"You compliment me too much," she murmurs against his lips. Blake shakes his head to disagree, but she looks up at him. "I need to compliment you more. You know what I think about you, cowboy? You're smart. You're kind. You're talented. You're gentle. You're hot."

He puts a finger to her lips. "Now you're making me blush… What else?"

She laughs, rubbing her hands down his chest. "I forgot sexy. You are very, very sexy."

Blake leans in and kisses her, opening her mouth with his as their tongues collide. She pulls back, feeling warm and feeling bold.

"There's one room I still have to show you," she says, breathless. "Come on."

They stand up, both a little shaky, and she takes his hand to lead him to her bedroom. Even though there isn't another soul at the house, she closes the door behind them.

He moves in toward her, his want for her clear on his face. "Are you sure?" he asks, even as he slides his hands up her waist, the movement raising her dress up a little.

"Yes, please," she whispers. Suddenly filled with the desire to get him into her bed as fast as possible, she quickly unbuttons his shirt, throwing it down on the floor. He kisses and sucks her neck before moving her dress up and over her head.

Leading him to the bed, she sits down and has him stand in front of her so she can unbuckle and unbutton his pants, pushing them down and off. As he lays her down and moves over her, he repeats his words from earlier that night.

"You are so, so beautiful."

Her want for him is overpowering as they kiss. She presses her hips against his, and he moans softly, pushing his hands over her breasts, underneath her bra. He pulls back slightly to look down at her, his eyes searching her face. He wants her reassurance one more time.

“Don’t stop,” she whispers.

When all of their clothes are finally removed and they're moving in tune with each other, Gwen kisses his shoulder and grabs on to him tightly.

She doesn't know what's going to happen after this. She just knows this is where she needs to be.


	6. Go Ahead and Break My Heart

_Why don't you go ahead and break my heart?_

_Why are you waiting - is it way too hard? _

Gwen wants to puke.

She’d been in such a good mood all morning, looking forward to getting her boys back, showering them with hugs and kisses and making them lunch. And then Gavin had messaged her saying that he'll be dropping off the kids himself, instead of the usual nanny hand-off. He wants to talk to her in person, and he doesn't say why.

It's been over a month since she's seen his face. Less than two weeks after filing for divorce, one seemingly set to grow more acrimonious, she was hoping to avoid seeing it a little longer.

For the next few hours, she's a nervous wreck. He shouldn't have this power over her, this ability to make her crumple back into her insecure shell, but he still does.

When she hears the car pull up, she wipes her sweaty hands on her pants. _Breathe_.

King and Zuma come bounding out of the vehicle and up the pathway toward the front door, while Gavin lags behind, holding a sleeping Apollo in his arms.

She opens the door for them and squats down so that her two eldest can smother her with hugs.

"I missed you guys so much," she coos, kissing one and then the other. "Did you have a good time?"

She avoids looking up at Gavin at first, before finally rising to stand and meet his eyes. He hands over Apollo, and she hugs her baby to her chest, smoothing back his curls and kissing his temple. She throws Gavin a questioning look, and he glances toward the boys.

"King, can you and Zuma go and play in your rooms for right now?"

The boys scurry away, and Gwen glances down at Apollo. "Should I go put him down, or is this going to be quick?"

"It will be quick," Gavin replies, his tone somewhat cold. She is taken aback.

"What's the problem?" she asks, already on the defensive. What right does he have to be mad at her for anything?

She turns and walks toward the living room, leaving Gavin no choice but to follow her. Settling on the sofa, she makes sure Apollo is comfortable in her arms, and then looks up at her ex.

Gavin doesn't sit down, but walks over to a shelf and picks up a picture of King and Zuma. It was taken during one of their last vacations together as a family, before everything fell apart. It wasn't so long ago, but feels like a lifetime away, now. An alternate reality. He places the picture back down and lets out a breath.

"Do you have a boyfriend already?"

Gwen's stomach drops. "Wh-what? Where did you hear that?" she asks, hoping the shakiness in her voice doesn't betray anything to him.

"Kingston mentioned something about it," Gavin says, his tone accusing. "I doubt he made it up."

Gwen shakes her head, looking up at the ceiling. "I don't have a boyfriend."

This is technically not a lie. She and Blake have never defined their relationship in any certain terms, and she isn't ready to do so.

Not even after having sex for the first time. He'd held her all night afterward, sneaking out with a kiss goodbye shortly after dawn so that he could get showered and changed before another day of Voice filming.

She'd been floating on a cloud since then, even after he'd left L.A. to go back to Oklahoma. There's probably an unread text message from him on her phone right now. It doesn't mean he's her boyfriend, though, she tells herself.

"Then what's going on between you and this... Blake?" Gavin asks, saying the name like it's a dirty word.

Gwen feels defensive again, protective of Blake. Gavin has no reason to dislike him. The two have never even met. Though Gavin had been her guest advisor on her first season of The Voice, all of their tapings had been done separately, and he and Blake had never crossed paths. She'd also tried to set up a double date with Blake and Miranda that had never come to fruition, thanks to Blake being too busy with hunting season. Thank God. That would be a nightmare to look back on, now.

"King overheard me talking to Blake on the phone the other day," she says warily. "He must have assumed..."

Gavin doesn't look like he believes her, and she guesses he shouldn't, but she doesn't owe him any explanation. Her personal life is her own business. If she can't even figure out what's going on with Blake, she's certainly not going to try and explain it to Gavin.

"It's not like I care what you do," Gavin throws out, his tone biting. "I just think it would be confusing to the kids if they see you with someone new so soon. I don't want them being exposed to strangers that I don't approve of first."

The judgment in his voice is unmistakable. She rolls her eyes.

"Is that why you fucked our nanny? Because she wasn't a stranger to them?"

She sighs, regretting the words as soon as they come out of her mouth. She holds up her hand before he can respond.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to fight. I just want you to leave."

He starts to turn and walk toward the door, then turns back around.

"Has he been here?" Gavin asks. "In this house?"

Gwen wants to lie to him, just get him out the door without any additional vitriol exchanged, but she's a terrible liar. And she doesn't care if she hurts him.

"Not when the kids were home," she replies after a pause.

Gavin's eyes narrow and he purses his lips, shaking his head.

"Keep it that way."

With that, he opens the front door and slams it shut behind him. The noise awakens Apollo, who starts to cry.

"Shhh, baby," she whispers, soothing the little boy. She stares out the window and watches Gavin driving away, wondering what kind of trouble he might try to make for her now.

* * *

_There you are again on my phone_

_The moon is rising and you're all alone_

_Maybe we can just hang awhile_

_Maybe we can make each other smile_

Gwen almost feels like a guilty teenager, sneaking out of the house to go meet up with a boy.

Instead, she's a 45-year-old mother of three who has tucked her boys into bed and is now leaving them in the care of the nanny so that she can go see Blake, who has just flown into L.A. and waits for her at his house.

This isn't unusual; the kids have often been cared for by sitters or nannies late into the night while she and Gavin both worked. But now she feels like she is hiding something from them, something important, and she doesn't like it.

"Zuma might wake up and come to my room looking for me; he does that every now and then," she tells the nanny, who probably already knows all this stuff. It makes Gwen feel better to reiterate the information anyway. "He has this book he's really interested in right now, so just bring him back to bed and tell him he can read one chapter; he'll fall back to sleep sooner than later. And if Apollo wakes up crying, just find his pacifier, he probably lost it somewhere in his blankets. If that doesn't work, just call me, okay?"

She knows she is being a little much, but this over-anxious helicopter mom behavior has been presenting itself more and more ever since the marriage breakup. She can't help but be over-protective of them.

Finally on the road to Blake's house, she turns the volume on her phone ringer all the way up so she won't miss any potential kid-related calls.

Blake pulls her into the house with one hand on her ass and his mouth on hers. It's been almost two weeks since they last saw each other.

"Damn, I missed you," he says in between kisses. "I hate being away from you."

She smiles up at him, and he takes her hands in his. "What do you want to do?" she asks.

Blake grins down at her. "What do you think?"

"Great minds think alike."

They discover a special level of multi-tasking as they discard clothing and kiss, all while making their way to his bedroom. After bumping into the doorframe, they burst out laughing as they collapse onto his bed.

Gwen stops giggling when Blake makes his way down her body, kissing her stomach, slipping his fingers inside the waistband of her thong to slide it down her legs.

She closes her eyes and arches back, moaning when she finally feels his tongue between her legs. One thing is for sure - it's never been like this before, with anyone else. Ever.

Later, they lay in bed together, tangled up in the sheets and each other's arms. Gwen wishes she could climb inside his head and know everything there is to know about him. She finds herself asking him question after question about his childhood, his mom, his brother who died when Blake was 14. He takes it all in stride, her endless curiosity.

"That changes your life, losing a brother," he says, caressing her arm slowly. "I think about where he'd be now, what he'd be doing, the family he might have... if he was still here. Instead there's just this void where he should be."

"Do you think he'd be married, have kids, all that?" Gwen asks.

Blake sighs. "Yeah... I used to think what it would be like at Christmas, Thanksgiving, to have all of our families together... if his kids would look like him, if they'd be best friends with my kids. It's kind of stupid to even think about now anyway, I guess. Here I am twice divorced, and I don't even have..." Blake trails off, but Gwen knows what he was about to say.

"Were you ever trying? To have kids?" she asks gently.

She can feel Blake shaking his head. "If it were left up to me… but no. It wasn't going to happen." He doesn't elaborate, and Gwen bites her tongue to refrain from asking any further probing questions. She can tell the subject is a touchy one for him, and she doesn't exactly want to prolong discussion referencing his ex-wife while she lays in bed naked with him.

They are quiet for a moment, until Blake breaks the silence.

"Remember when we did the ice bucket challenge together?" he asks.

She laughs. "Correction... I did it while you stood there and tortured me."

"You were a trooper," he says, patting her arm. "I couldn't believe you let me pour ice water over that perfect little head."

"That was like a year ago now," she sighs. "Can't believe how much things can change in such a short period of time."

They fall silent again, and Gwen adjusts so she can press her ear to his chest, listen to the sound of his heart beating.

* * *

_The sun is setting on your last good try _

_Here I am again with half a goodbye _

Gwen awakens with a start. At first, she doesn't know where she is. Sitting up quickly, she sees Blake lying next to her, sound asleep. She leans over him to grab her phone off the nightstand and sees that it's almost 3 a.m.

"Fuck," she whispers, sliding out of the bed and looking for her underwear. She hadn't meant to fall asleep. Thankfully there are no messages from the nanny, who is staying the night at her house. Unable to see clearly in the dark, Gwen bangs her toe against the foot of the bed. She can't help herself from crying out in pain.

Blake stirs and awakens slowly, taking in the sight of a half-naked Gwen hopping around on one foot while she tries to gather her clothes.

"Where ya going?" he asks, bleary-eyed.

"I can't spend the night, Blake," she says, fastening her bra. "My kids don't know I left. I meant to go home at midnight, but we fell asleep."

Blake sits up and turns on the lamp on the nightstand, which aids Gwen in getting dressed faster.

"I wish you could stay," he says softly. She stops and looks at him, her heart falling.

"Me too," she says with a sigh.

She knew she couldn't do it. She will never be the girl who can sleep with a guy and then leave without a care in the world. Tell a guy everything in her heart without actually giving him the damned thing, too. She’s hopeless.

Ever the gentleman, Blake insists on getting up, putting on some pants and walking her to the door.

"Text to let me know you got home okay," he says, kissing her forehead.

She nods, wondering why he has to be so perfect.

* * *

_I never, ever meant to get so into you_

_Thought I was using you just to get me through_

** _In her dream, Blake is with Miranda, his arm around her waist. _ **

** _Gwen runs into them on an empty street corner in Nashville, and she's confused. "I thought you broke up," she says, pointing between Blake and his... wife. "She broke your heart. I thought we were... I thought you cared about me."_ **

** _Blake tilts his head to the side, confused. "Why are you so upset? We were just having some fun." _ **

Gwen opens her eyes, waking up slowly. Her stomach turns from the image of Blake as she slept - "We were just having some fun." She knows it was just a nightmare. There's no way in hell Blake would ever go back to Miranda.

But. But she can easily picture him with someone else, someone different. A more down-home type of girl. Maybe one of those young upstarts making her way up the chain in country music. Someone young, unburdened.

Someone who can give him kids and make him happy. She probably can't do the first, and considering how her only other major relationships have gone - dumped or cheated on - she's not so sure about the second.

It is press junket day for The Voice, a day of interviews and some photos to promote the upcoming season. It will be both her and Blake's first public appearances since their divorce announcements - so this newly-revived anxiety about their relationship status is rearing its ugly head at exactly the wrong time.

They won't really get the chance to talk today with all of the various activities planned. She'll have to put on her biggest smile for the cameras, show the world that The Voice will not be affected by the personal turmoil of some of its coaches.

Blake smiles when he sees her arrive, and as always, his presence makes her pulse quicken just a bit. Her body's insistence on physically reacting every time she's near him is an annoying new side effect of knowing exactly how good he is in bed.

"You ready for this?" she asks, trying to keep her tone even. He reaches out to touch her arm, but she backs up slightly.

"We have to be on our best behavior today," she reminds him, quietly. "Don't need any rumors starting about us, and you know they're looking for that."

"Nah," Blake shrugs. "No one would believe you'd ever want to date me."

Gwen rolls her eyes at him, shaking her head at his disparaging comment. "You're crazy. They would definitely believe it. Who wouldn't want to date you?"

Blake raises his eyebrows, smiling at her slightly. Before he can say anything, Adam walks up to them, grabbing them both by the shoulder.

"You guys ready to roll?" he asks, smiling between them, still completely clueless. Gwen and Blake glance at each other.

"Let's do this," Gwen says, forcing her first smile of the day.

* * *

_You know I'm broken, I don't trust anyone_

_Last thing I needed was to fall in love_

Gwen trails her fingers down Blake's chest, wondering if and when she'll be in his arms again like this.

With their latest Voice duties behind them, it's their last night together in L.A. before he heads out of town for a little vacation to Mexico. They'd high-tailed it back to his place and spent the evening in his bed, but her brain refused to shut off and just let her enjoy it. She's back to that place in her overactive mind where the idea of some time away from him almost seems like a needed relief.

When she set out to do the show, she had such high hopes about rediscovering herself and healing from her divorce and finding some kind of calm and peaceful place, free of drama.

She never counted on Blake becoming single at the same time, bonding with her over their shared experience. She never counted on falling into this sexual, emotional relationship with him that has overtaken her brain and heart and made her actually wish she could imagine a future with him.

She's always been a planner, looking for the next thing, wondering what comes next. They said they'd live in the moment, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to do that with him.

"Did you hear what I said?" Blake asks, shaking her out of her own thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I zoned out."

"I was just wonderin' if you were okay earlier today," he says. "You seemed a little distant... I thought you might be nervous about facing the media for the first time."

Gwen shakes her head. "No, I wasn't worried about that."

Blake plays with her hair, taking a handful of strands and bringing it around to tickle her nose. She laughs lightly and pushes his hand away.

"Then what was wrong?" he asks.

That's Gwen's cue. She really doesn't want to get into this right when he's about to leave.

"It was nothing, Blake," she says, rolling away from him and moving out of the bed. "I'm fine."

She glances back over her shoulder, and Blake looks confused as hell.

"Where are you going?"

"It's almost 10. I'm getting the boys back tomorrow morning at like 6, so I should probably go home and get some sleep."

"Why can't you just sleep here?"

Gwen doesn't answer him as she finishes getting dressed. When she turns back to him, his wounded expression makes her tear up.

"We shouldn't make a habit of that, you know? It could confuse things."

She picks up her purse off the floor and makes a move to go toward the door.

"Wait just a minute," Blake says, getting out of bed and putting on his boxers. "You're not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

As hard as she tries, Gwen can't keep a tear from slipping out and down her cheek. "I don't want to talk about this right now. I want you to have fun on your vacation.”

"Forget the damn vacation," Blake says, taking her by her shoulders and peering down at her. "Why are you crying? What is this about?"

Gwen lets out a heavy sigh, and all of the tormenting thoughts she's been juggling just spill out.

"I mean, I just don't know where this can lead, you know? I'm older than you, and you want kids, and I'm not country, and-"

Blake's eyes widen. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gwen. Where the hell is this coming from?"

"I'm just not sure, I'm not sure..." Gwen twists her hands in front of her, looking up at him. "I just think..."

Blake's face turns sullen. "You're about to do it again. You keep running away from me."

"I'm not-"

Blake shakes his head fervently as he interrupts her.

"You are," he says, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know what else I can do to make you believe I'm not going to hurt you like he did. I got hurt, too, remember? Don't you know you're not the only one who's scared in this? I am goddamn _falling for you_, but every time I turn around it feels like you're looking for another way out, away from me."

She is stunned silent by his "falling for you" admission. She's not sure if he even meant to say it, but she can't dwell on it for too long, because he keeps on going.

"Every time we go back and forth like this, I'm afraid it's going to be for the last time, you're not going to come back," he says, his voice cracking. "I was a mess. Then you came along. I didn't know why you wanted to bother wasting time on someone like me when you're _you_, but you did. Now, every time you call me, I'm wondering if the other shoe is about to drop. I almost wish it would so I could stop thinking about it. Just get it over with."

His voice is pained, and Gwen is filled with remorse for making him feel this way. Why can't he see that the problem isn't him or them together - it's just her? She's the problem.

"I don't want the other shoe to drop," she whispers. "I'm not planning on that. I want to be around you, like, _all the time_. That scares me, and sometimes I just need to back away for a minute and regroup."

Gwen turns and sits back down on his bed. Blake follows and takes her hands. He looks up at the ceiling, lets out a breath, and then looks back at her.

"I'm not trying to pressure you," he says. "I just want you to remember that there are two hearts here, and mine can break as easily as yours."

Gwen nods, her eyes pooling with tears again. One slips down her cheek, and Blake reaches up to wipe it away with his thumb. The gesture is so gentle, so sweet. She leans forward and buries her face against his chest, and he wraps his arms around her.

"The last thing I want is to make you cry," he says softly. She shakes her head against him.

"Don't feel bad," she murmurs. "A sad commercial on TV can make me cry." She feels the vibration of his chest as he softly chuckles, and she leans back to be able to look him in the eyes.

"What are you going to say when I come back?" he asks softly. "Are you even going to answer if I call you?" 

"Of course I'll answer," she says. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to lay this on you now. I want you to enjoy your vacation in Mexico. "

Blake stares at her, then shakes his head with a small, cynical smile.

"I don't even want to fucking go now," he says.

Gwen looks up at him, alarmed. "Please don't say that. Please don't let this put a damper on it. Just have fun with your friends. You deserve that."

Blake pulls her to him, and as he holds her close, Gwen wonders how two broken hearts like theirs can ever mend enough to find security with each other.

* * *

_There's your reasons_

_There's your cards_

_What are you waiting for?_

_Go on and break my heart _

Gwen is sitting by her pool, writing in her journal and sorting through some old notes looking for potential song lyrics, when she glances over at her phone and sees that she just received a new message. It's from Blake.

** _I was up all last night thinking about you, and started writing a little something... thought you might like to hear it._ **

Attached to his text is a voice memo, so she saves it to her phone and opens it, curious. She hears the strums of a guitar, and then Blake's smooth voice begins singing.

He sings just a couple of lines, clearly inspired by their relationship, their conversation the night before. He sings of his own insecurity, of wondering if she’s going to say goodbye to him for good.

This whole time, she was so wrapped up in her own fragile psyche that she never realized how deep he might be in this whole thing, too. That he might be just as fragile as her.

Gwen sits in stunned silence for a moment, then replays the clip again. And again. And again.

Then, she flips to a blank page in her journal and starts writing.


	7. Make Me Like You

**September**

_I was fine before I met you_

_I was broken but fine_

_I was lost and uncertain_

_But my heart was still mine_

Two days of torture.

That’s what Gwen experiences as she waits to hear back from Blake after she finally musters up the courage to respond to the beautiful song lyrics he’d sent to her.

He’d told her before he left for Mexico that he would probably be out of pocket there, difficult to reach by phone. He likely hasn’t been able to listen to what she sent him yet. All she can do is wait.

She had written and re-written her responsive song lyrics to him, hesitating to spell out all of her feelings at first. But she knew that wouldn’t work. All she can ever be in her music is honest. And all she wants to be with Blake is honest. Avoiding the truth, running away… it just hurts the both of them.

So, she records herself singing, a cappella, her words – how she never meant to get so into him, she thought she was just using him.

She’s broken and scared and hesitant to trust, but she’s falling in love with him anyway.

That was the scariest part to write - but his previous confession had inspired her. His honesty and his courage to admit how strongly he feels for her was exactly what she needed to do the same thing.

She _is_ falling in love with him. It seems so crazy to be able to say that. Their relationship moved so fast, her feelings became intense so quickly, but it was unavoidable. She couldn’t help it, she couldn’t stop it. It makes her think it was meant to happen.

The day Blake is set to come back to the U.S., Gwen has the ringer on her phone turned to high. She sits outside on her back patio, eyeing her phone every now and then.

When it finally rings, she thinks she might have a heart attack.

“Hello?” she answers, feeling timid.

“Pretty girl,” a sexy, happy, country-accented voice says back to her. “I need to come and see you.”

* * *

_I was free before I met you_

_I was broken but free_

_All alone in the clear view, now you are all I see_

That Blake is making a special trip to L.A. specifically to come and see her makes her feel like this is them officially taking things to the next level. Every other time they’d been in town together, it was because he had something work-related to do as well.

Now, he’s just coming for her.

She opens her front door for him when he arrives, sinking into his arms before standing up on her tip-toes to accept his kiss. He has his guitar case in his hand.

“We going to finish this song together?” he asks, beaming at her.

She leads him outside to the back patio, its spectacular view particularly breathtaking on this late summer day. They sit next to each other a few feet apart on one of the patio sofas. While Gwen is feeling a little nervous, Blake seems sure.

“Did you like what I wrote?” she asks finally, unable to stand beating around the bush any longer.

Blake leans forward, caressing her cheek with his finger. “It was amazing. You blow me away.”

Gwen shakes her head. “I can’t believe you wrote something for me… I never imagined that one day I’d write a song with Blake Shelton.”

He laughs. “We still need to finish it. How about I start playing, we sing our parts, and then we figure out where to go from there?”

Gwen nods nervously. When it’s her turn to sing, she manages to get through without stumbling over the brutally honest words. As she sings “Last thing I needed was to fall in love,” she looks him straight in the eyes. His gaze pierces hers.

After about an hour of working on the song, Blake sets his guitar aside and pulls her to him. “Can I just kiss you for a little while?” he asks sweetly.

She nods, embracing him. After a few minutes of making out, she stops and pulls back.

“Can I just kiss you in my _bed_ for a little while?” she asks, rubbing his thigh.

He follows her to her bedroom where they undress each other, taking their time, savoring every moment.

Standing in front of him in the center of the room, she kisses the expanse of newly-exposed skin on his chest with each opened button of his shirt. As he lays her down on the bed, moving his attention and his mouth to her breasts, she runs her fingers through his hair, encouraging him - begging him - to continue.

When he finally rocks into her, she clings to him, straining to be closer, wanting every inch of her body to be touching his.

They lay together afterward, what is becoming a familiar and comfortable afterglow, when Gwen gathers her courage and takes a deep breath.

“I want you to spend time with me and my kids together,” she says quietly. “If you want to.”

It’s something she’s been thinking about for a while now. Keeping two such important aspects of her life separate has been an emotional obstacle. She doesn’t want to hide anything from her boys.

And she knows now that Blake isn’t just going to disappear from her life anytime soon. It’s not that she’s sure this is forever or that they won’t have any problems – she’s the opposite of sure when it comes to that.

But she knows that she wants him to know them, and she wants them to know him.

“Do you think they remember me?”

Gwen nods. “King and Zuma definitely do,” she says. “I think you make quite an impression on most people you meet.”

Blake is quiet for a moment, running his fingers back and forth over her head.

“You really want me to?” he asks. “To spend time with them, with you?”

Gwen is surprised at the emotion laid bare in his voice.

“Yeah, I do,” she says, looking up at him from where she lays on his chest. “I really do.”

Blake sits up suddenly, prompting her to sit up as well, bringing them face to face. He palms her cheek.

“I love you,” he says, a smile playing on his lips. “Do you know that?”

Gwen feels her throat closing, as she struggles not to cry. She brings her forehead to his, rubbing their noses together.

“I love you, too,” she whispers.

He wraps his arms around her, pressing his lips to her cheek and then her forehead, and though she is still completely terrified… somehow, she also feels completely safe.

* * *

_Something I could get used to_

_I could get used to this_

_It's getting harder to leave it_

_Your lips on my lips_

Blake has only been gone for a week, but it feels like forever. Most of this month is going to be difficult for them, as both of their schedules are jam-packed with a variety of commitments that will keep them away from one another.

He’s got some performances, obligations in Oklahoma, and a vacation later in the month. Meanwhile, she’s got a handful of shows with No Doubt, preparations for another show she’s doing solo next month, and most importantly, she’ll be focusing on spending lots of time in the studio, dead set on making real progress on her album.

When she first started recording some tracks earlier this year, they were all angry, feisty responses to the breakdown of her marriage to Gavin. There were then a few confused, exploratory songs about her developing feelings for Blake.

Now, she’s more in the mood to write some love songs.

Gwen is getting ready to head out the door when her phone starts buzzing, and she sees that it’s her sister-in-law, Jen.

“What’s up?” she answers, simultaneously looking through her purse for her keys.

“I just saw the craziest story about you,” Jen says.

Gwen sighs. “Don’t even tell me, I don’t want to know.”

“No, you’ll find this funny,” Jen says, forging ahead. “This tabloid is saying that you and Blake Shelton are in a secret relationship.”

Gwen drops her purse. “What? What tabloid? What does it say?” she asks, her voice panicky.

“Uh, just one of those dumb supermarket ones. The story is online. Let me pull it back up.” Gwen can hear Jen clicking a computer mouse, and she wonders if Jen can hear the sound of her heart pounding.

“Okay, it’s Life & Style. Let me read it to you,” Jen says. “‘Everyone on set sees that Blake and Gwen are falling for one another’ … ‘He sees Gwen as the ultimate woman, and she has been reveling in the attention.’”

Gwen puts her hand up to her head and pulls at her hair. “Who talked to the magazine? Does it say? Of course it doesn’t say, these people never name their source. What the fuck?”

Jen is silent for a second. “Are you okay, Gwen? I thought you would laugh it off. It was bound to happen, some rumors about you guys, right?”

Gwen sits down, rubbing her temple with one finger.

“Um, Jen… I really, really don’t know who talked to this magazine or if they just made it up, but… um… the thing is… it’s true. I _have_ been seeing Blake.”

Jen is stunned, wondering why Gwen didn’t tell her sooner. Gwen explains that she wasn’t sure if it was ever going to amount to anything - it’s often been an uncertain relationship status, and she just didn’t even know _what_ to tell anyone.

“I need to call Blake and talk to him about this,” Gwen says.

“Okay,” Jen says. “But you’re calling me later and telling me every single detail.”

Gwen taps her fingernails on the coffee table as she waits for Blake to answer his phone. He’s back in Oklahoma, working on his ranch, so it’s a 50-50 chance as to whether he’ll even see that she’s calling.

Luckily for her, he answers on the last ring before it goes to voicemail.

“Hey babe,” he says. She can hear some kind of machinery running in the background.

“We have a problem,” she responds. She reads the magazine article to him, almost wanting to laugh at the accuracy in some paragraphs. But, like with all tabloid stories, there are some ridiculous segments as well.

“According to this story, Miranda’s really mad about us because she ‘saw me as a friend,’” Gwen says dryly.

Blake lets out a short laugh. “That’s news to me,” he replies.

“Who do you think did this?” she asks. “Someone from NBC? I don’t think anyone there knows the truth, unless you told someone, but they could be leaking rumors to get some attention for the new season, maybe? We’re less than two weeks away from the premiere.”

“I didn’t tell anyone about us,” Blake says. “I don’t know where this came from.”

Gwen sighs and racks her brain on what they should do. Nine times out of ten, she completely ignores tabloid rumors.

But her relationship with Blake, it’s new. It’s delicate. They’re not ready to face the scrutiny that coming out as a couple would inflict on them, and she doesn’t want anything to potentially derail what they’re starting.

“It’s just one of the lower-level tabloids, but what if this blows up?” she asks.

Blake tries to reassure her. “I’ll say something on Twitter about it, blow it off.”

“Twitter?”

“Yeah, I’ll play it off like it’s a joke or something, not a big deal.”

Gwen feels her stomach settling down a little. “Okay. And I guess I just won’t address it at all.”

She thanks him, hoping he understands why she’s so freaked out by the thought of their relationship being revealed.

“I don’t want anything to mess this up for us,” she tells him softly. “Once people know about it, they’ll try to make it something it’s not.”

“I’m right there with you,” he says. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

Later, she sees that Blake has tweeted his sort-of denial.

** _Getting ready this morning to go put in my deer plots and looked at Twitter... Damn my dating life is awesome!! Let me know what happens..._ **

She smiles, shaking her head. Even when he's denying that he's dating her, he still has to compliment her somehow. 

* * *

_You're on me like jewelry_

_I really like you, but I'm so scared_

Gwen is startled awake by the sound of her phone ringing. She rubs her eyes and sees that it’s Blake.

It’s 6 a.m. in Los Angeles, super early for him to be calling her, even if he’s two hours ahead in Oklahoma.

“Blake?”

“Hey,” he says, sounding grave.

She sits up, worried. “What’s wrong? What is it?”

“You ready for round two of the tabloid stories?” he asks. Gwen’s pulse starts to race.

“It’s not about you,” he continues. “Just me this time.”

He tells her that a "shitty magazine" is featuring him on the cover of their latest issue, declaring that he has a drinking problem and is in rehab.

“They’re also saying… they’re saying that when I was in Mexico last month, I was partying and hooking up with women and bringing strippers to my room.”

Gwen’s stomach drops. Merely imagining Blake with other women while she was at home, agonizing over her lyrics to their song, makes her want to throw up.

“It’s one hundred percent bullshit,” he tells her urgently. “All of it. There might have been a grain of truth in that story about us last week, but there is absolutely nothing true about this garbage. _Please_ tell me you believe me.”

Gwen is quiet for a moment. The insecure, severely damaged, and untrusting part of her wants to retreat.

She can’t count how many times Gavin asked her to believe him – believe him that he hadn’t fathered a child before they met, that he hadn’t cheated on her with their nanny for the last three years. He lied about all of it.

But Blake is not Gavin. He’s never been anything but honest with her. She knows there’s no way he would imply he loves her, send her that song, and then randomly hook up with other women the second they were apart.

“I believe you,” she says finally, and Blake lets out a sigh of relief.

“I’m so angry, I’m shaking,” he confesses to her. “It’s not just a bad look for some of the professional things I’m working on, but personally… I never want to embarrass you. I never want to make you doubt what we have, how I feel about you.”

“What are you going to do about it?” she asks. “Saying you’re in rehab, that’s kind of libelous, isn’t it?”

“My team is talking about all that right now,” he says. “I just wanted to let you know before you saw it somewhere else – I wanted you to hear it from me. I wanted you to know it’s not true, and I love you, and I’m sorry this is happening.”

Gwen shakes her head. He has nothing to be sorry about.

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, but I do believe you,” she says. “I love you, too. Just keep me updated, okay?”

They hang up, and Gwen isn’t sure what to do. She does believe him, but she feels restless.

She looks through her phone, finding the voice memo recording she took of them singing their song together the last time he was at her house.

She heads out to the pool, playing the song to calm her nerves.

* * *

Gwen groans when she sees Gavin’s name lighting up her phone lock screen.

The temptation to ignore him beckons to her, but Gwen knows she can’t escape him. She braces herself, telling herself to be strong, before she answers his call.

“We need to talk about your boyfriend,” Gavin says, his voice immediately condescending. “These stories about him being drunk all the time, being in rehab – I want to make sure it’s clear to you that I don’t want my children around him.”

Gwen intakes a sharp breath. Somehow she knew he would use this against her.

“Those stories are bullshit,” she says through gritted teeth. “Blake is not in rehab. He’s not always drunk.”

“He has a reputation,” Gavin says, “and I don’t know that he’s going to be a good influence on my boys. However long this…relationship… lasts, you need to keep it separate from the children. I demand it.”

Gwen shakes her head in frustrated disbelief. 

“What a convenient time for you to suddenly believe tabloids. I know what’s best for my sons,” she says. “I’m never going to do anything that could hurt them. Blake… he’s a good man. He’s a wonderful man. I do want him to spend time with the kids. He _will_ spend time with them eventually.”

Her voice shakes slightly, but she regains control. “Consider this your head’s up that it’s going to happen, and I’m not going to ask your permission first, Gavin.”

Gavin is quiet for a moment. She can almost hear his mind running wild as he thinks of what to say next.

“Then I suppose I’ll have to call my lawyer,” he says finally. “Because that’s not okay with me.”

Gwen wants to scream, throw her phone at the wall. She hates him so much, especially because she knows what this is really about.

“How dare you threaten me,” she spits out. “You’re not really worried that Blake will be some kind of bad influence on the boys at all, are you? You’re just using them to control me because you’re jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Yes! You’re jealous that I’m seeing someone, and you hate it,” Gwen says, starting to cry. “You’re trying to keep me from moving on, and it’s not going to work. I’m not letting you manipulate me this way.”

“I don’t want my kids around him, period,” Gavin says, his voice rising. “They are not going to be affected by the incorrect choices of their mother. If I must get my lawyer to ensure that, I will do it.”

Gwen swallows hard, clenching and releasing her free hand over and over. He can’t just let her be happy. All he cares about is himself.

“I don’t know why I ever loved you,” she whispers, a tear falling from her cheek to the floor.

Gavin is quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he says finally. “I just want what’s best for my children. Think about what I said.”

Gwen hangs up, sinking down into a kitchen chair. She wipes her wet face with her hands. How many jars could she fill with the tears she’s cried in her life because of Gavin? Too many to count.

She reaches across the table, grabbing her journal, and begins scribbling frantically, documenting her anger at him._** I don’t know why I used to love you.**_

Inspired, she flips to earlier in her journal, to her notes from earlier in the year, when their separation was still fresh. Reading her tormented thoughts back then only pushes her further into her current anger. She starts writing another song.

* * *

No Doubt is reuniting one more time for a festival in Del Mar, and it couldn’t be coming at a worse time.

She is still so angry at Gavin for threatening to try and alter their custody agreement because of that garbage tabloid story about Blake, she wants to scream and rant and throw things. The guys can probably tell she’s on edge.

Standing in front of the audience as they begin their set, Gwen, just as she did for their last two shows, finds herself growing agitated as she is forced to sing songs that often documented her turbulent relationship with Gavin.

Like when they get to "Ex-Girlfriend" - she can hardly stand singing the words she wrote all those years ago, when she could have just kept going and become free from a completely trash relationship.

"Your wildness scares me, so does your freedom/You say you can't stand the restrictions/I find myself trying to change you/If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to."

Gwen feels like throwing up when that song is over. _If she had just fucking left then_, she thinks. But she didn't. She let him worm his way back in. 

By the time they get to "Bathwater," Gwen is feeling particularly infuriated. 

"Can I ask you a question?" she propositions the audience, who scream their approval. "Why do the good girls like me always want the naughty, stinky, disgusting, pathetic, narcissistic, _fucking ridiculous_ boys?"

She holds her finger up as the crowd cheers. Looking out into the sea of faces, she is fueled by their energy.

On stage, she can be a totally different person. On stage, she is strong.

On stage, she doesn’t take _anyone’s_ shit. 

* * *

_Thank God that I found you_

_Now you got me missing you_

Blake plays his guitar and sings to her over Facetime, serenading her with some of his old songs. They haven’t seen each other in weeks, and it’s starting to wear on them.

“I miss you so much,” she murmurs.

“So do I,” he says, leaning in closer to the phone, smiling sadly at her. “Next month will be better. And then we’ll be back doing the show and seeing each other all the time.”

She wasn’t sure what to tell him about what Gavin said in their last conversation. She knows Blake will just blame himself for causing friction, and she doesn’t want that, not at all.

But he’s quickly becoming her best friend, and keeping one of her biggest problems from him is a burden she doesn’t want to bear.

“Gavin knows about us,” she says, surprising Blake with her change of subject.

“You serious?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. “Since when?”

“Well… it’s a long story, but he figured it out last month,” she says. “I didn’t tell you because he really didn't know much about us, at all. He just knew something was happening between us. Last week, he saw the rehab story, and…” she trails off, unsure what to say next. She doesn’t want to hurt him.

“The kids,” Blake guesses, his voice flat.

“I told him I didn’t care what he said; I want you to be able to see them next time you’re in town,” she says. “He threatened to go to his lawyer.”

Blake looks as angry as she still feels. “What a fucking asshole.”

“I don’t know if he really will,” she says. “I just think he’s mad about you and me dating.”

“Of course he’s mad. Look at what he lost.”

Gwen closes her eyes, feeling a headache coming on. Talking about Gavin exhausts her.

“I’m telling you this because I don’t want to keep anything from you. But I don’t want you to feel bad. It’s not your fault. It’s between me and Gavin.”

Blake is quiet, and he briefly looks away from the screen. She quickly moves to redirect the tone of the conversation.

“But I want you to know that I know you have my back, and you support me, and that means everything to me. In fact, I’m recording some songs about you this week.”

Blake looks up and smiles shyly.

“Can I get a sneak preview?” he asks.

She smiles back, deciding to tease him. “One is going to be called ‘Misery.’”

“That… sounds like a bad thing.”

She laughs. “No, trust me. It’s really, really good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your comments on the last chapter! They really motivate me to keep writing! It has been really fun to revisit G&B's relationship from the beginning, using real-life events, news stories, tweets, etc., to guide this fictionalized narrative.
> 
> Also, if you've never seen it, check out "No Doubt - Bathwater KAABOO 9/18/15" on YouTube, which is referenced in this chapter.


	8. You're My Favorite

**October**

_I'm pretty simple, but I have explored_

_Thought I had found it, but I wasn't sure_

_Always a feeling that there could be more, could be more _

Gwen can feel Jen's eyes on her as they move around the kitchen, preparing a tray of vegetables and a cheese plate for their afternoon barbecue.

"Are you nervous?" Jen asks, wiping her hands on a towel and coming around to face Gwen.

Gwen blows out a breath and gives Jen a smile. "Petrified."

She hadn't been sure how she wanted Blake and the kids to see each other outside of the context of The Voice set, how to slowly introduce him to the boys as her "special friend."

It had been Jen's idea for she and Gwen's brother, Todd, to come over with their kids and make it more of a casual, fun afternoon - that way there'd be less pressure on both Blake and Gwen, Jen had reasoned, and maybe the kids would be more at ease as well. Blake is set to arrive any minute.

Gavin had not been notified of these plans. Gwen's attorney assured her that Gavin had no legal ground to stand on, even if he was actually serious about trying to keep the kids away from Blake. The simple fact is, Blake is not and has never been in rehab. If the non-credible tabloid report is Gavin's only ammunition, it's too weak to amount to anything.

Besides... Gwen was pretty sure Gavin never truly intended to legally fight her on this - he was just trying to make it harder for her to truly move on. But he isn't going to stop her.

"I'm excited to get to know Blake, too," Jen says. "I'm excited for _you_."

Gwen smiles at her gratefully. Jen knows what she's been through with Gavin over the years, all too well.

"I just feel a little insane," Gwen says. "I mean, Jen - I am _so_ crazy about him. But I feel like I'm getting in a little over my head. I don't know what each day is going to bring, I don't know where we're going from here, I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake..." Gwen sighs. "I just know that I need him."

Blake is buzzed in through her gate outside, and with rising anticipation she heads to the front to greet him with Apollo in her arms. Looking cute in a plaid shirt and ball cap, Blake smiles at them when she opens the door. She can tell that he is nervous.

"Hey, little buddy," Blake says softly, ruffling Apollo's hair. "You've gotten a lot bigger."

Not yet 2 years old, Apollo gazes up at Blake while sucking on his pacifier. "He just woke up from a nap," Gwen says. "The other kids are out back."

Blake nods, looking over her shoulder. She glances behind her and sees Todd peeking around the corner.

"Come and meet Blake," she calls to her brother.

Todd's laidback presence has actually helped her feel less anxious about this whole thing. Of all of her family, she is most certain that Todd and Blake are going to get along just fine. The two men shake hands, and Gwen leads them out to the back patio.

"Hi Blake," Jen says, standing up from her chair, smiling widely. Rather than shake his hand, she goes all in and gives him a big hug. "I'm a huge fan."

"Gwen's told me a lot about you guys," Blake says. "So I'm a huge fan of yours, too."

He looks over and sees King and Zuma off playing with their cousin in the pool, then glances at Gwen.

"They'll come over here when it's time to eat," Gwen says to him quietly. Blake nods, clenching his jaw, and she pats his back reassuringly. That he so obviously cares about the impression he makes on her kids means a lot to her. They both know it's sensitive territory, not to be taken lightly. 

They settle down in separate chairs across from Todd and Jen, and Blake looks over at Gwen.

"I thought there were some paparazzi following me for a minute on my way over here," he says. "I was freaking out. But then they turned off and went somewhere else, so I guess not."

The rumors about them being a couple had died down only briefly last month before bubbling back up again recently, this time with the more credible, if not completely impeccable, Us Magazine.

Gwen doesn't know who these "sources" are that keep blabbing to the media about her and Blake's "close connection," but it's getting really annoying. Blake had gotten his team to deny the rumors to People, in which he was featured for a cover story about his life post-Miranda. The article insisted that Blake and Gwen were nothing more than friends, and that he wasn't ready to date yet. Meanwhile, Gwen had remained quiet, hoping all this talk would go away again.

They can't keep denying and avoiding the truth forever, though. She doesn't want what they have to end any time soon. She hopes - she believes - Blake feels the same way. So Gwen knows it's probably only a matter of time before their relationship will have to be exposed. 

Once The Voice begins filming again for the live shows, the media attention will only intensify, their every interaction analyzed. They'd either have to go underground just to see each other, or eventually come clean in order to be able to live their lives.

She just wants to hold on to their privacy for a little while longer.

Todd heads over to the grill and finishes cooking up some burgers and hot dogs, then calls for the kids to come and eat. Blake shifts in his seat, shaking his knee.

Kingston arrives to the patio first, eyeing Blake as he passes by to get a plate of food.

"Come and sit over here," Gwen calls to him, motioning to the chair on her other side.

King seems hesitant to approach, so she smiles at him warmly. "Say hi to Blake."

"Hey there," Blake greets him.

"Hi," King says quietly as he sits down, looking away. Gwen knows her oldest, who is already somewhat aware of the relationship between Blake and his mom, might be the hardest nut to crack when it comes to this new dynamic.

Zuma runs up next, soaking wet from swimming in the pool. He throws his arms around his mom, making her shriek with laughter as he gets her clothes damp.

"Zuma! You're so crazy." She leans down and kisses his head, then turns him gently by the arm to face Blake.

"Do you remember Mr. Blake, from Mommy's show?" she asks.

Zuma nods shyly, holding up his hand. Blake leans forward and gives him a high-five.

"Hi buddy," Blake says. "Did I see you do a cannonball over there a few minutes ago?"

Zuma smiles proudly. "Yeah, my splash was bigger than Kingston's."

King, who had remained silent while eating his food, pipes up. "You don't know that - it's not like you could _see_ how big your splash was."

The two start bickering loudly over who won their cannonball competition, while Gwen looks over at Blake and laughs.

"Welcome to my world," she says quietly. He smiles at her.

Later, Blake follows Gwen to the kitchen, where she's going to make some lemonade for the kids.

After glancing around to make sure no one else has come inside, Blake hugs Gwen from behind as she reaches up to get a pitcher out of the cabinet.

She leans back into him, turning her head just enough to steal a quick kiss. "Thank you for coming over," she murmurs. "It means a lot to me."

Blake rests his hands on her shoulders, turning her around to face him. He gazes down at her. "It means a lot to me that you asked me to come... and that you stuck up for me," he says, referencing Gavin's offensive against him. "Do you know how much I needed that? To see how much you believe in me?" 

His eyes search hers, and she nods, reaching down to take his hands.

"I'm still really scared sometimes," she admits, looking down at their interlaced fingers. "I think it will take a while for me to not be scared. But I want this to work. I want this to work so badly."

Blake hugs her to him, kissing the top of her head. They break apart when they hear a door slam. King saunters into the kitchen, walking past them to the refrigerator.

"Are you really a cowboy?" he asks, not looking at them. Blake glances at Gwen, then at King, who is staring into the open fridge.

"I'd like to think so," Blake says, smiling. "I heard you got to ride horses earlier this summer on vacation. That must have been pretty cool."

Kingston nods, pulling out a can of soda. "Yep. Do you have horses?"

"I sure do. I have all kinds of animals."

Kingston finally looks at Blake, his curiosity piqued. "Like what? Cows? Chickens? "

"He has wildebeests," Gwen says. "Isn't that cool?"

King's eyes widen. "Really?"

Blake smiles. "Yeah, come on, I'll tell you all about it."

He glances at Gwen, who encourages him with a smile. The three of them head back outside together.

* * *

_Out of everything, you're my favorite_

_I tried a lot of things, but you're my favorite_

_Oh, I think I worked this out _

The sound of the rain pounding against Blake's roof is almost comforting.

Blake has been asleep for at least 15 minutes, but Gwen lays beside him, unable to stop thinking about everything coming up. The record company went crazy over the breakup song she wrote about Gavin last month. They're a lot more optimistic about the viability of her album now. They want it to be her first single; they want her to perform it for the first time at her solo show in New York in a couple of days.

For over two months, she's stayed quiet, not revealing anything to the public about how she's dealing with her divorce. This song - it will tell everyone everything. It will expose her pain, so raw and so vulnerable.

This is what she's known for, though. This is what she's always done - she's always given her fans all of her, nothing hidden. She just hasn't had to do it in a really long time.

Blake stirs beside her, and she rolls over to stare at him. His hair is a little longer than normal, the curls more prominent with its length. She smiles. He looks like a little boy when he sleeps.

The next few weeks will be a whirlwind. Her concert, her single coming out. Voice media jaunts, then the show starting up again. How would she be handling all of this without this man beside her? If she had continued this divorce journey all alone?

She hopes she'd still be just as strong. She hopes she'd be just as driven.

But she knows she wouldn't be just as happy.

* * *

_Mama, can I keep him?_

_I promise I'll take care of him_

Gwen stares out the window, taking in the landscape below, the green and brown and blue colors slightly discernible beneath the translucent clouds.

She and Adam are flying from L.A. via private plane to Oklahoma, where they will pick up Blake on their way to New York City for Voice media appearances. Blake has invited them to come to his ranch for the afternoon and have lunch before taking off on the last leg of their flight.

While Adam doesn't know it, Blake has mainly planned this excursion because he wants an excuse for Gwen to come and meet some of his family for the first time.

He hasn't _exactly_ told his family about them officially being a couple yet, he says, but his mom knows they've been helping each other. She knows Gwen is special to him, in one way or another.

And Gwen figures this is a low-pressure way for her to kind of get a glimpse into Blake's home life, meet some of the people who are most important to him. She just wonders how they're going to deal with Adam being along for the ride.

"Why don't we just tell him the truth?" Blake had asked over the phone the day before she and Adam were set to come to him.

"I don't know," Gwen says, dubious. It's not that she really has anything against telling Adam, but she knows once someone that significant to the show, in their professional life, knows the truth, it's only a matter of time before the whole thing snowballs and it's out of their control.

"He's going to figure it out," Blake says. "I'm not sure I'm going to be able to see you in Oklahoma and keep my hands off of you."

"You'll just have to try," she teases him.

As the plane makes its way to Blake now, she thinks about the last 10 days, wondering how it can all be real. She's still riding high a week after "Used to Love You" was made available to the public.

Gwen had cried almost all night when the song came out. Not necessarily just out of heartbreak, but because she felt so many emotions - regret, and sadness, and pain, and also gratitude. Grace. She can see how far she has come since February. God, just eight months ago - just five months ago - she was as low as she could be. She's not sure how that's possible, how she has gotten to where she is now - but here she is.

Blake has been so supportive of her and the song. It's also being received really well by fans, and has predictably gotten a lot of people talking - it's obvious from her song lyrics, and her history of transparent, personal music, that Gavin really screwed things up. Everyone seems to want to hear the real, gory details.

She isn't sure how Gavin has reacted to this newest wave of attention to their divorce, though; he hasn't commented on the song at all.

He also hadn't responded when she'd texted him a link to an Associated Press story about Blake suing the tabloid that falsely accused him of entering rehab. Just in case he needed any further confirmation that she wasn't letting him hold that against Blake when it came to the kids.

As their jet makes its descent onto the runway in Oklahoma, Gwen braces herself for what lies ahead.

"Have you been here before?" she asks Adam.

"Yeah - it's really, really country out here," he says, chuckling. "So get ready."

As Gwen and Adam are driven from the airport to Blake's ranch, she takes in the sights of Blake's home state. He's told her so much about this place - this is where he was so many times when she was back in L.A., missing him, dreaming about him. Hearing about it is one thing; actually being here feels surreal.

The car brings them up to his house, and Gwen gingerly steps out of the vehicle, her eyes searching for a sign of Blake.

Suddenly he is there, front door open, waiting for them in the threshold.

She can't wipe the smile off of her face. He was right - keeping their feelings to themselves during such a monumental trip - her seeing his home for the first time - is almost too much to ask for.

"Hey bro," Adam says, beating Gwen to the door. Gwen trails behind, her legs feeling shaky. She can hear laughter drifting out from inside the house.

"Come on in," Blake says to Adam - but his eyes are on her. He holds his arm out, beckoning her to walk through the door.

"Hi Blake," she says, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes.

"Welcome," he says softly, looking at her like he wants to pull her to him. The gravity between them is something else.

Blake leads Adam and Gwen to the kitchen, where several of his family members await. Gwen puts on a big smile, even as her stomach fills with butterflies.

"This is my mom," Blake says, motioning to the woman standing by the oven.

Blake's mom looks at Gwen warmly - an expression that makes her feel like this woman is not going to be surprised by any kind of breaking news about Gwen and Blake's relationship when it eventually comes out. It's a look that immediately puts Gwen at ease.

Gwen holds out her hand, but Blake's mom reaches over and hugs her instead. "It's so nice to finally meet you," his mom says in her ear. "Blake talks about nothing else." 

Gwen pulls back, checking to make sure Adam didn't hear that - but he's off on the other side of the room chatting with another guy, maybe Blake's brother-in-law. Gwen looks over and sees Blake watching her and his mom together with a soft smile on his face.

"It's so nice to be here," Gwen tells his mother. "I've tried to picture it, but I never could have done it justice."

Blake introduces Gwen to everyone else, including his sister, Endy, and then sits her and Adam down at the table so they can eat the meal his mom has prepared.

"She insists we eat here before going to the big city," he tells them.

Gwen is charmed by everything about this place. The warmth, the atmosphere, the scent of earth, the sounds of genuine laughter. It's everything Blake told her it would be.

After a couple of hours visiting around the table, it's time for the Voice trio to get back to the airport and head to New York. Blake's mom gives Gwen another hug before she leaves.

"Thank you for everything," she tells Gwen, giving her a meaningful look. "You don't know how good you've been for him."

Gwen feels herself blushing. "He's been really good for me, too," she says, biting her lip. "You've got a great son."

Adam has to take one last bathroom break, so Gwen and Blake walk toward the car alongside each other, taking advantage of the 30 seconds they'll have to themselves.

Before she can open the door to the car, Blake leans in to her. "You don't know what it's doing to me to see you here," he murmurs to her. "This is like an out-of-body experience right now."

Gwen steps even closer to him, wanting to kiss him so bad she can't concentrate. They hear the front door slam shut and move away from each other quickly as Adam jogs toward them.

He tilts his head to the side and gives them a curious look, but Blake quickly deflects with his usual humor.

"Thank God your hair grew back, by the way," Blake says. "That was embarrassing."

Adam rolls his eyes. "What are you gonna make fun of now, though?"

"Don't worry - I'll think of something."

* * *

_The way that you kissed me wasn't typical_

_Take me out of my body, something spiritual_

_Think I need seconds, maybe thirds or fourths _

The Voice crew's first big commitment of their NYC trip is The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, which brings back fond memories for Gwen from last time, just over a year ago, when she and Blake were there to promote the show by doing a Lip Sync Battle. They were still getting to know each other back then, their admiration of each other new and innocent. 

The vibe between them is _considerably _different this time around, as is Gwen's choice of outfit.

"Ho-ly shit," Blake says under his breath when he sees Gwen for the first time on set. Her black, leather, dominatrix-esque dress was a definite... choice.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he whispers to her.

She just smiles at him. She doesn't know how much longer they're going to stay a secret. But as long as they have to keep this up, she can at least have a little fun making Blake squirm.

Their game on the show this year is once again singing-related, but this time they actually have to sing songs that are picked for them after they spin a microphone on the game wheel. It's silly, but fun.

Gwen relaxes as their game drags on, laughing at Pharrell, Blake, and Adam as they each have to get up and perform a song for the game. Finally it's her turn, and to her extreme delight, Pharrell makes her and Blake sing "Hotline Bling" together.

It's ironic how closely the opening verse of the song mirrors the actual start to their relationship - calling each other on the phone, late at night - needing each other's "love." Except it turned into real love.

When the show is over, everyone is beyond ready to head back to the hotel. It's been an exhausting day, and they have to be at The Today Show super early the next morning to meet up with Carson and be grilled by Matt Lauer.

Someone has something else on his mind, though.

"I'm coming to your room," Blake murmurs from behind her as they make their way backstage.

"I don't know..." Gwen says lightly. She turns and sees Blake's eyes flashing with lust. "We have an early morning tomorrow."

"It will be worth it," he says intently, leaning in closer. "I need to get this dress off of you as soon as fucking possible."

She can't keep from grinning. She's a terrible liar. She had wanted to tease him a little bit, but she wants the exact same thing he does.

"Give me twenty minutes," she whispers.

Blake nods, licking his lower lip.

"See you there."

* * *

Their last night in New York, Gwen, Blake, Adam, Pharrell, and Carson are due to meet up for a celebratory dinner. A small private room has been reserved for the group at the back of the restaurant, and Gwen is the first to arrive.

She sits at the table checking her phone, looking at pictures she has saved of Blake in her camera roll. She'd be in deep shit if she ever lost this phone. Her latest photo of him, taken last night, features him naked in bed next to her, the blanket dangerously low on his hips, gazing at her with a half-smile on his face.

She looks up to see Blake arriving, looking at her like he's thinking about last night, too.

"Can I sit next to you?" he asks, pulling back the chair before she can even answer.

"That might be dangerous," she replies, immediately placing her hand on his thigh and squeezing.

"You smell good," he says, leaning in to her. "Give me a kiss."

Gwen glances at the door, then moves in and presses her lips to his softly. She pulls back and smiles, then leans in again for one more. He's addictive. She just can't help herself.

"What the hell?" a voice says from the front of the room. 

Gwen and Blake's heads swivel to see Adam standing there at the door, his mouth gaping open. He points at them. "I _fucking_ knew it. I knew it!"

Busted. Gwen can't do anything but laugh. She laughs so hard she has to put her head down into her folded arms on the table.

"So... we have something to tell you," Blake says sheepishly, which makes Gwen laugh even more.

Adam walks over and sits across from them. "I saw you two whispering at the ranch. I _knew _there was something weird going on."

Gwen wipes tears from her eyes, a product of her uncontrollable laughter, and shakes her head. "Sorry, Adam."

"You are such a liar," Adam says, pointing at Blake. "Man, you're good."

He shakes his head, still clearly in disbelief. "How long has this been going on?"

Gwen and Blake look at each other. "Um... since the blinds?" Gwen says weakly. Adam's eyes must grow in size about three times.

"Fucking hell," he says, scratching his head. He looks at Gwen, a small smile on his lips. "How much is he paying you?" 

Gwen laughs, and Blake shakes his head, somewhat amused. Adam's face grows serious. 

"You guys look really happy," he says. "I did kind of notice... you both really seemed to grow happier every time I saw you over the summer. I just didn't quite realize it was because of... each other." 

Gwen and Blake look at each other, smiling widely. "We are happy," Blake says. 

Gwen nods. "Adam, could you not say anything about this tonight? Just try to act normal? I'd like it if we could tell the other guys ourselves, if that's okay."

Adam holds up his hands. "I won't say a word... You guys know people are going to absolutely lose their shit when this comes out, right?"

Gwen feels Blake’s hand on her knee. "Let us worry about that," Blake says. He looks at her. "We'll be okay."

* * *

City lights illuminate the hotel room window as Gwen and Blake lay in bed together. Gwen burrows herself into the crook of Blake's arm, mindlessly trailing her fingers over his stomach.

"Do you think it's going to be really bad when people find out about us?" she asks, thinking back on Adam's ominous warning earlier that evening. "Do you think people are going to accuse us of moving on too fast, or think we had an affair, or..."

Her mind churns with thoughts of everything people could say about them. How people might try to tarnish this pure relationship they've built.

"People will definitely find a way to turn something positive into a negative," Blake says softly. "But we can't let it affect us and how we feel. We have to promise we won't let it bring us down."

Gwen sits up so she can face him. "If we're really thinking about doing this... about going public with this soon, not hiding anymore - we have to know what we're up against. We have to believe in each other and believe in what we have. You and me against the world."

Blake moves in and kisses her softly.

On the lips, on the cheeks, on the nose, on the forehead.

"You and me against the world."


	9. Truth

_I really don't wanna embarrass myself_

_And no one's gonna believe me_

_Not even myself _

_They’re all gonna say I’m rebounding_

_So rebound all over me_

_‘Cause I don’t want nobody else_

Gwen is fairly certain that she doesn’t want to live this secret anymore.

She’s proud of him. She would be proud to announce that she’s with him. She wants to show him off. She wants to be his date. She wants to walk hand in hand with him down the street - cameras, critics, and tabloids be damned.

“We can go public whenever you’re ready,” Blake had told her the day they got back from New York. “If you’re up for it, I’m up for it.”

But there are still just a few fears holding Gwen back from jumping in head first. First and foremost, she has her kids to consider; the wave of media attention that will likely affect them and increase the paparazzi they’ve already been dealing with their whole lives is not something to be taken lightly.

Her divorce still isn’t final, and a piece of her worries that going public with Blake could motivate Gavin to do something petty as they try to hammer out the final negotiations.

And she knows that with media attention comes scrutiny, comes judgment, comes lies. She has gotten pretty good at blocking out the unwanted chatter that has swirled around her and her life over the past 20-something years… but she has a feeling this is going to be so much more intense.

All of that makes the simple act of telling the truth feel so much more complicated than it should.

On a Thursday night, as she prepares to walk the red carpet at a fundraising event in L.A., Gwen takes a deep breath knowing the questions about Blake will probably come. He will be at this event too, and it’s not worth their time wondering how they can navigate the evening without raising eyebrows.

It’s a lose-lose situation. Spending time together will give people an excuse to talk about the rumors surrounding them, but what’s the alternative – to avoid each other? They’re both representing The Voice and supporting Pharrell, who is performing at the event tonight. To ignore each other would also send off some kind of signal, get people looking for the deeper meaning. No matter what they do, people will read something into it.

It’s all so exhausting. Gwen just doesn’t feel like playing this game for much longer.

And she never wants to have to avoid him. Being in the same room – even the same building - is like a siren’s call for both of them. They couldn’t stay away even if they wanted to.

As she makes her way down the red carpet for the fundraiser event at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, Gwen spots one of those celebrity gossip TV shows waiting for her to approach. She can’t avoid them - she has to represent her show. She braces herself.

Of course, just as she expected, the first question is about her love life.

“Can we set the record straight about these Blake rumors?” the reporter asks her cheekily.

As if _this_ is how Gwen is going to admit she has a new boyfriend. She laughs the question off to the reporter, deflecting without actually denying, then quickly makes her way inside.

It doesn’t take long for her to spot him, her handsome cowboy who would rather be caught dead than on that red carpet outside. He’s hard to miss, the tallest person in most rooms.

Gwen watches him graciously posing for pictures with some of the other starstruck guests, and she takes the opportunity to admire his poise and his generosity as he smiles down at the fans.

He’s so good. Just a good person. So kind, so down-to-earth, so unaware of the effect he has on people. It’s a rare thing, to find someone like that in this industry.

Blake catches her eye and begins to make his way toward her, but before he can reach her, someone else comes up and asks to take a picture with Gwen. Blake waits off to the side for her to be done, then moves in toward her closely. 

“You look stunning,” he says, holding out his hands without touching her. This not being able to touch each other thing really, really sucks. How she wishes she could wrap her arms around him, embrace him in front of everyone.

“How are you holding up so far?” she asks.

“Pretty good now that you’re here,” he replies. “Seen any good closets we could sneak into for like ten minutes?”

Gwen laughs. “You’re crazy.”

“Five minutes?” he counters, his eyes twinkling.

Gwen looks around. “Actually… there’s a supply closet down that hallway. See?” They both look and see the door at the end of the deserted hallway, located in the opposite direction from where the fundraiser guests are heading to the ballroom.

Blake looks at Gwen and tilts his head with an unbelieving smile. “Are you serious?”

Thirty minutes later, after mingling some with other guests and smiling for more pictures, Gwen checks the time on her phone and sneaks out of the dinner party, heading back to the hotel lobby in the direction of that supply closet.

Her heart is pounding, but exhilarated, she moves forward anyway. After glancing around to make sure no one sees her, Gwen opens the door and steps inside the darkened room.

His hands are immediately on her.

“I’ve been in here for ten minutes,” he whispers in her ear.

“Sorry, I was desperately trying to get out of a conversation with this woman who _really_ liked my shoes,” Gwen murmurs as he kisses her neck. His lips move down to the exposed skin on her chest, then back up to her mouth, the force of his kiss pressing the back of her head against the door.

They make out against the door for several minutes, running their hands all over each other. It turns out that not being able to touch each other even a little outside was just fuel for the fire now raging inside this closet.

When she feels his erection pressing against her, she quickly unzips his pants, stroking him until he’s moaning in her ear, coming in her hand.

Blake rests his forehead against the door over her shoulder as he recaptures his breath, sweat beading on his brow.

Gwen grins up at him.

“You’re welcome,” she whispers, kissing him on his cheek.

They take turns sneaking out of the closet, ten minutes apart again. Gwen makes a beeline for the restroom and washes her hands, fixes her lipstick and hair, then nonchalantly walks back toward the ballroom.

There are a lot of things she won’t miss about having to keep their romance a secret, but she’s pretty sure she might miss the thrill of _that_.

* * *

_I know we said we're gonna live in the moment_

_And that's all good, that's what we agreed, I know it_

_Every day I believe in you and me more and more_

_It's crazy, that's for sure_

_Whipped_

Ultimately, Gwen decides to go with the least subtle Halloween costume possible.

She’d purchased it along with a few other costumes last month, unsure if she would ever have the gumption to actually wear it out in public.

But now that she and Blake are wading into the “slow reveal” waters of their relationship, dressing as a cowgirl for the first of this weekend’s Halloween parties seems like a non-committal way to send a message. Maybe start to ease people into the dating confirmation she and Blake will eventually have to offer.

Blake thinks it’s a brilliant idea. And it turns him on, too.

“You are going to look so sexy,” he tells her as they talk on Facetime while she gets ready. Their plan is to meet up at George Clooney’s party first with Todd and Jen, then possibly head to another party later.

It’s really not normal for either of them to go out and party like this... but after the year they’ve had, they both just want to have some fun. They want to hang out, they want to be together.

And if them hanging out gets people talking, so be it.

Flanked by Todd and Jen in the car, Gwen is nervous as their driver pulls up to the entrance for the Casamigos party, where photographers already await to catch sightings of the numerous stars who will be in attendance tonight.

The trio meet up with Blake inside the party, but before she can really talk to him, Gwen is inundated with hugs and conversation from friends and acquaintances who want to catch up with her or find out how she’s doing or rave about her song. She mouths a quick “sorry” to Blake, who shakes his head to indicate he’s fine as he hangs back with her brother.

“Are you guys together?” Gwen’s friend Jessica asks, Blake in her line of vision. Gwen and Gavin were longtime friends of Jessica and her husband, Cash, and though Jessica had reached out during the divorce mess, they hadn’t gotten to sit down and really hash out the nitty-gritty details about Gwen’s post-split life.

But Gwen trusts Jessica, and it’s about time she starts telling more of her friends the truth.

“Yes,” she confirms, finding something freeing in saying that word. “It’s not out in the open yet, but Gavin knows, and we’re probably going to… make it official soon.”

Jessica reaches out her arms and hugs Gwen to her, squeezing hard. “I support anything you do,” she tells Gwen, giving her a small kiss on the cheek. “See you at Leto’s party?”

Gwen nods, and the two friends part ways. She looks over at Blake and gives him a thumb’s up. He smiles, confused, and she walks over to tell him that they just got another nod of approval.

Throughout the night, Blake and Gwen make sure to stay in each other’s orbit. Though they don’t exchange any public displays of affection, they can feel eyes on them whenever they’re in the same vicinity.

“Are you okay?” she asks him at one point, hoping he isn’t freaked out by the environment that she herself is so accustomed to.

While Blake has been in the “Hollywood scene” somewhat over the past four years due to his role on The Voice, he still knows so few people here. He rarely comes to something like this voluntarily, and in the past, any time he didn’t absolutely have to be in L.A., he’d fly far, far away.

So for him to be here now… Gwen knows it’s only because of her. For her.

The next party has a lot of the same guests as the previous one, but for some reason, Gwen feels less pressure here. As the night has wound down, Gwen has grown more comfortable in her own skin. She reaches out and wraps her arm around Blake’s waist, squeezing him to her.

Blake gives her a surprised look. “You ready for this?” he asks, reciprocating by putting his arm around her waist, too.

“I don’t care anymore,” she replies, feeling tired and feeling her ability to keep up a front fading. “I just want to touch you... I just want _you_.”

She hopes he knows she means it. As different as their worlds are, being here with all of these people she’s run in the same circles with for years, these “A-list celebrities,” only reminds her that what she really wants is someone like Blake.

Someone normal, someone honest, someone who is true to himself and isn’t putting on an act. Someone who couldn’t care less about appearances, who is fine staying home with her and never even going out. Someone who doesn’t need the acceptance of one damn person here.

“Let’s not stay long,” she tells him, wanting to take him home with her. “Let me say hi to some people, and then we can get out of here.”

Blake looks like he is very okay with that idea.

* * *

_I never knew I'd know someone like you_

Later that night, as they lay in her bed, Gwen marvels at how two completely different people associated with such different crowds could come together the way they have.

"What did you really think of me before we met?" Gwen asks.

She hopes she doesn't sound like she's fishing for a compliment. She’s honestly wondering if his impression of her might have been a negative one, for whatever reason.

"I honestly didn't know what to expect. I was wondering if you’d be like some of these other musicians I’ve met, difficult or weird or… but you blew my mind," Blake says, wrapping a piece of her hair around his finger. "You really did, I was just like… I could not believe how cool you were.”

He asks Gwen what she first thought about him. “And I already know you didn’t know who the hell I was,” he says wryly.

Their worlds were so far apart, and she was so distracted with keeping her own life together, keeping her head above water, she just really didn't even know he existed. She wonders if God was keeping him hidden from her until just the right time. 

"From the moment I met you, I thought everything about you was cute," Gwen says, interlacing his fingers with his. "You were so different from the rest of us, but you didn't even care. You were so confident and funny and made me feel comfortable. So honest and fearless. And handsome..."

She still can't believe that he's real, that they're real, she tells him - a life before they knew each other is a life she doesn't want to ever return to.

Blake pulls her over so that she rolls on top of him. “I love you,” he replies, his hand on the back of her head, his eyes piercing hers.

They haven’t said those words a whole lot since the first time they said them; only in intense moments like this, or when they really miss each other, or sometimes when they make love.

Gwen doesn’t know if their hesitance to express their love for each other too frequently comes from the lingering hurt and insecurity they both still surely deal with.

Regardless, she knows it’s there, and it’s growing every day. Every minute.

It’s why they can’t hide what they have for much longer.

* * *

**November**

_Oh, it's unexplainable and it's so weird_

_It's so strange, confusing, and I'm so scared_

_But maybe I deserve this boy after all that I've been through_

_How can all of this be true?_

They don’t mean for it to come out the way it does.

But it first starts spinning out of control the day those pictures surface online.

When Gwen gets a call informing her that photos of she and Blake’s PDA over the Halloween weekend have been published on an entertainment news site, her first thought goes back to Jared Leto’s party Friday night.

She had been holding Blake’s hand to lead him out of the party – desperate to get him home into her bed – when she had spotted a man with a camera lingering just by the door. She let go of Blake quickly, but maybe the guy had caught them before she’d spotted him?

When Gwen logs on to see the offending photographs that are causing such a buzz, she is shocked to find that the evidence against them is actually from the next night, on Saturday – when she and Blake had attended Adam’s Halloween party together.

It was a much more low-key, private affair, and they had been super happy to celebrate with their friend for the first time after he finally knew the truth about their relationship. And maybe Gwen and Blake had let their guard down a little bit because of that.

They thought the prying eyes were gone, that no one else there late into the evening would care if Gwen leaned back into Blake a little. They thought no one would really notice if Blake put his hands on her shoulders, on her hips, if they stayed glued to each other's side all night.

Apparently, someone did care. Someone did notice. And that someone had taken secret cell phone pictures of them, of Blake’s hands on her, and leaked the photos to the media.

“Should we go ahead and comment on it?” she asks Blake, anxious to handle this properly after speaking with her management team and assistant, who have been fielding inquiries from media outlets.

“It’s up to you,” Blake says, seeming considerably less perturbed by the photo leak than Gwen.

Gwen sighs. “Maybe we can get a statement prepared or whatever, and just hold onto it for when we’re ready.”

She hates that this has to be such a production, but it feels like the walls are closing in now. The past four months of growing their relationship in private will be over, and dealing with the public craziness will begin.

“That’s fine,” Blake says. “Just something simple, and then when we want to release it, we’ll release it.”

Gwen nods, glad that they have a plan.

But then it completely spins out of control the day of the Country Music Association Awards.

Gwen isn’t even sure until the last minute that she’s going to go. Blake had started hinting about wanting her to come with him to Nashville for the awards – what she knew would be the first big, public event where he and Miranda would be in the same room and everyone would be watching them and talking about them and their divorce – a couple of weeks earlier.

Gwen is hesitant, but after the way he tagged along for the Halloween parties - what was her scene, her friends - she feels like it's her turn to step up and out of her comfort zone, get to know his people, his world a little better.

It just seems kind of crazy to do it when they're right in the middle of a media firestorm surrounding the pictures taken of them on Halloween.

“You know Miranda will hear about me being in town with you,” Gwen cautions him.

She isn’t sure why she feels compelled to bring this up now. They’ve barely talked about Miranda in months. Blake has made it clear that he doesn’t care what Miranda thinks or says or does.

But Gwen finds it hard to believe that he hasn’t thought about how Miranda will react to the news that they’re dating. This will be the first time he’s bringing Gwen to the city where he and Miranda were once designated King and Queen. It has to be on his mind.

Contrary to that tabloid report’s delusional imaginings, Gwen was never Miranda’s friend – they only met once, maybe twice, when she was still married to Blake and when Gwen was on The Voice the first time.

Gwen doesn’t even remember much about their conversations - just that Miranda had seemed nice enough, and she was even a bit of a fan of Gwen's, having come of age around the time No Doubt was breaking out into the big time.

That was it. Everything else she knew about Miranda was laced with Blake’s heartbreak, and Gwen usually preferred not to think about her at all.

“She probably already knows about us at this point,” Blake answers, shrugging. “I want you to meet my friends. I want to have you with me. That’s all I care about. The rest is just noise.”

Gwen nods, kissing his temple. It’s not like she’ll get anywhere near the red carpet or inside the arena – she’ll just fly to Nashville, wait for him to perform, sneak in to some of the after parties so he can introduce her to people close to him, then sneak out and fly back to L.A.

That’s the plan.

On the afternoon of the CMAs, Gwen and Blake are descending into Nashville by plane when she gets a message letting her know that her management team has released the statement to a magazine confirming that she and Blake are together. 

It's akin to getting a calm text message stating that a bomb has just been dropped on her head. 

** _“Gwen and Blake are longtime friends who have very recently started dating.”_ **

That sanitized, generic, simplistic statement was supposed to be safely disseminated into the void on a benign day - a Friday afternoon right before a holiday weekend, perhaps. Maybe even the day after Thanksgiving, when most people would be off shopping, eating, napping - and not online reacting to the news.

Any other day but today, the day Blake and his ex-wife were about to be 25 feet from each other for the first time in months. On national television. 

"Why did they do that?” Gwen exclaims, rapidly texting back her assistant. “That statement was on hold! We didn’t say to release it yet!” She rubs her forehead, looking at Blake with wide eyes. He looks just as surprised. Fuck.

A few frantic phone calls reveals to Gwen that the statement had mistakenly been released because media outlets had somehow been made aware that Gwen was on the plane with Blake to the CMAs. There was no way to spin the story any longer.

So much for her low-key trip to Nashville. So much for trying to keep under the radar. 

“Well…” Blake says, looking at his phone that is surely accumulating text messages as well. “I guess it is what it is. We knew this day would come.”

“Yeah, but not two hours before this awards show,” Gwen groans. “Your people are going to burn me at the stake, Blake.” 

Blake reaches over and takes her hand. She doesn't know how he's staying so calm and collected, but she guesses it's because this is his territory they're entering. She doesn't know anyone, but he knows everyone. And he knows how to deal with them. 

“Listen to me,” he says. “Look at me. Breathe. You and me against the world, remember?”

Gwen seeks strength in his eyes, in his assured features. She has been preparing for this moment for at least a month now - she just wasn’t quite prepared to deal with this _tonight_.

She breathes in and out. “Right. We got this.”

He laces his fingers with hers, bringing them to his lips. 

There’s nothing they can do now except take hold of each other’s hands and run together through the storm.


	10. Rare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter! Thanks so much for reading.
> 
> I felt like the story wouldn’t be complete without getting some of Blake’s POV and wrapping up some loose ends for him.
> 
> I will be posting one more chapter that is just going to be my playlist for this story and some links to show how I was guided in writing the story based on true events.
> 
> I hope people have enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing! <3

_You're a sapphire_

_You're a rolling stone_

_You're a sparkle_

_In a deep black hole_

As one of the tabloids' favorite targets for what seems like years now, Blake knew to expect some pretty crazy stories when he and Gwen finally came out as a couple.

He knew he'd get shit for moving on so quick from Miranda - however unfair that criticism might be. He knew some people would look at them together and say, "What the hell is Gwen thinking?"

He knew people from his neck of the woods would look at them and say he'd sold out, say he'd gone Hollywood, say he'd traded his authentic country woman for a manufactured pop girl.

He knew to expect all of that, and he was prepared not to give a damn about any of it. All of those people could go to hell.

But of all the things people could have said about them, it never really crossed Blake's mind that they'd be accused of faking their relationship for publicity.

He guesses he should have known. On paper, they as a couple are kind of hard to believe. The timing of their dating announcement is pretty helpful for The Voice and its ratings. And Gwen always suspected that the initial rumors about them dating were actually planted by someone from NBC in hopes of sparking interest in the new season.

That kind of duplicity is so far beyond either one of them, though, or what either of them would ever dream of enacting for the sake of a damn television show. And yet, that's what they're being accused of now by a few different outlets, days after finally coming clean about their relationship status.

"Yeah, I'm going to fake a whole relationship for a show I'm leaving in less than two months," Gwen had laughed. "Makes total sense." 

Once the veil of secrecy was lifted - and once Gwen had set foot in Nashville and been treated with kindness, courtesy, and a decent amount of admiration from Blake's friends and cohorts at the CMA after-parties he'd taken her to - her anxiety about the whole situation had seemed to melt away bit by bit.

He'd been worried that the intense scrutiny and judgment would make Gwen want to run away again, but that rock solid foundation of strength she stood on, those years of hanging tough in the face of adversity and heartbreak, had seemed to take hold of Gwen instead. It was like she'd had a revelation. _The truth shall set you free._

"We can't let the attention control how we live," she'd told him, suddenly calm and sure. "If we want to be happy, we have to just live our lives and not let anyone else decide what that means. We can hold hands, we can hug, we can make out in the middle of the street if we want to. Let's just do what we want to do. Forget everyone else."

She continues to surprise him every day. Hell, just her continuing to answer the phone when he calls her surprises him sometimes. He's not sure when he'll stop being intimidated by her, who she is, just a little.

Thank goodness she's handled the reaction to their news better than he expected, because with The Voice live shows starting up very soon, the frenzy surrounding them seems to only be intensifying. This whole thing is just crazy, every bit of it.

From the day she walked up to him and told him she knew what he was going through, to the day she leaned in and kissed him, to the day he said he loved her and she said it back, to the day she welcomed him into her kids' lives - it's all completely changed him. Changed the trajectory of his entire life.

Life. Six months ago, he thought life wasn't really worth living anymore. Now he has a whole new future ahead of him, one he never in a million years thought would be his.

And it's all because of her.

* * *

_You're rare_

_And only a stupid girl would let it go _

He's not sure what takes so long for Miranda to finally reach out to him, wanting to talk.

He'd been sure his ex-wife was going call or text him and cuss him out for the whole CMAs debacle as soon as that crazy night was over.

Irrational lashing out was typically her way. To be fair, it had been his way when he'd been with her, too. They'd brought that out of each other - fight now, actually talk and listen to each other later.

But maybe she's changed, because it takes her a few days to send him a text message.

** _We need to talk. Call me when you have a few minutes._ **

He doesn't even have her name saved in his phone anymore, but he recognizes the number. It irks him that she's telling him, not asking him, to call her. And the thought of calling her makes him feel a little sick.

The last time he'd seen her, talked to her, had been one of the most painful nights of his life.

The crazy fighting had come first, after he'd found out she'd been cheating on him. They'd fought and screamed and yelled and cried. He couldn't quite let her go at first, though. He almost tried to convince himself he could get over it, because the thought of being alone, of another failed marriage, of being without her, had hurt so fucking much he couldn't breathe.

But just looking at her made him want to throw up, and he knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't trust her, didn't want to get over it. Didn't deserve to live in a marriage where he had to force himself to believe in what they had. There was no going back. They were done.

So the very last time they'd seen each other, there had been no yelling, no fighting. Just a sad, resigned acceptance of the end.

Anger had continued to come in waves, along with despair and hopelessness and a question of what could ever make him feel any kind of joy again.

His faith, implanted in him from childhood even if sometimes dormant, had helped pick him up off the ground. And then a ray of light, a miracle he had never seen coming - in the shape of a woman just as hurt as he was - had made him smile again. Made him love again.

So now, all he wants to do is move forward, focus on the future, focus on what makes him happy. He doesn't want to look to the past or regress by giving Miranda a foot back in the door to say her piece about his new life.

Gwen doesn't quite see it that way, though.

"Maybe you should call her," Gwen says tentatively, her voice a little shaky after hearing from Blake that Miranda had contacted him.

He's surprised at Gwen's response - she herself knows all about how crappy it is to deal with an ex-spouse who makes you feel physically ill. He was fortunate enough to get a clean break from Miranda, but Gwen will never truly have Gavin out of her life because of their kids.

"I don't owe her anything," Blake says, preparing to list all of the reasons why he doesn't want to do it. Gwen nods, doesn't try to fight him on that point.

"You don't," she agrees. "I do feel bad that she might think we announced our relationship just to screw up her night... but that's not why I think you should call her. I... I think it will be good for you to talk to her one more time. Maybe you can clear the air, wish each other well, and next time you're going to be at the same event, you don't have to dread it or wonder what she's going to say... Maybe you can make peace."

Her face is so earnest, so hopeful. Blake loves so many things about Gwen. She never wants anyone to be hurt, she wants to think the best of people, and she has this unbelievable optimism deep inside her that things can work out and get better, if you just work hard enough for it.

He sincerely doubts Miranda has any interest in making peace with him. But Gwen is right. He has a few things to say to Miranda, and once he's said what he's needed to say, he won't need to talk to her ever again.

He sighs, relenting. "I guess I'll call her."

It takes a while to work up the motivation to pick up his phone. He taps his fingernails against the table as he waits for her to answer.

When Miranda picks up, her voice almost sounds like she was expecting him.

"Hey."

Her greeting is so casual, it catches him off guard. Blake stays quiet. She wanted him to call her, so she can tell him what she wants.

"I guess congratulations are in order," Miranda says, the sarcasm heavy. He rolls his eyes. He doesn't have time for this.

"If that’s how this is gonna go, I'm hanging up," he says.

Miranda sighs. "How the hell could you do that to me, Blake? Right before I was about to go on the red carpet. That was so fucking shitty."

"It wasn't supposed to happen like that," he says. "You know how hard it is to control that stuff sometimes."

Miranda is silent for a moment. "Did you do this to punish me, get back at me? If you were trying to humiliate me, then good job. You succeeded."

Blake grips the phone in his hand tightly, wondering if he might actually break it. "My life doesn't revolve around you anymore. I don't make decisions based on you and how they'll affect you. So no, that's not what I was trying to do. I already told you, we didn't mean for that to happen."

She always used to do this - he'd tell her something and she wouldn't believe him; her mind would hold onto it and twist it around and she'd just keep accusing him of the same thing. It was an exercise in madness. It was a sign they didn't belong together, this lack of believing each other, but he didn't see that for a long time.

"Did you cheat on me with her?" Miranda asks, once again catching him off guard - and pissing him off.

"No."

"How am I supposed to believe you?"

Blake shakes his head, even though she can't see him. "Nothing happened with Gwen before we broke up."

"You _wanted_ something to happen, though, right? Perfect timing for you, her divorce happening right around the same time. You must have been fucking _thrilled_. It sure didn’t take you long to move in on her."

She always knows how to goad him, how to hit him below the belt. Any time he thinks he has the upper hand, she always finds a way to wrestle it back from him.

Because the fact is, of course he was attracted to Gwen while he was still married. He was never going to act on it, but it's true. It's one of the reasons he was drawn in to her so quickly once they started talking, hanging out. Because that attraction - not just physically, but to her as a person, to her aura - had already been there from the start.

But there had been no affair, not even an emotional one - he'd maintained a respectful distance while they were both married. He had made the mistake of letting someone else into his heart during his first marriage, and he was determined to never do that again while with Miranda. Gwen simply had a pure and beautiful presence about her. If anything, how he felt around her when he was married was akin to a celebrity crush - not something he ever thought was even remotely realistic.

Regardless, he's not sure what to say to Miranda now.

"I didn't cheat on you," he repeats finally, stating all that really matters.

"You know everyone is pissed at you," she says, returning to the topic of the CMAs and his dating announcement. Her voice is hard. "I hope it was worth it, Blake. In a few months when Gwen is long gone, everyone here is still going to remember this."

The comment about Gwen aside, he knows she is partially right. The way everything played out so publicly did leave a bad taste in some people's mouths, and Miranda made sure to garner some sympathy for herself in the aftermath. Nashville is a small town, and it's a petty town. He's not sure what the long-term ramifications will be.

All of that seems so trivial to him right now, though. He'd trade it all for Gwen anyway.

"I'm just going to tell you this once," he says, keeping his tone measured. He wants her to hear it in his voice that he's not saying this to get revenge, or to be mean. He's saying this because he wants her to know it, believe it, and then get on with her life.

"I'm not with Gwen to get back at you or because I'm bored or because I need a girlfriend," he says. "I'm with her because I love her. So is there anything else you need to tell me? Because I really just think it's best that we move on and try to... let each other be."

Miranda doesn’t take more than a second to respond. "No, there's nothing else, Blake. Y'all have a great life."

She hangs up, and Blake sighs, putting his phone in his pocket. He goes back to find Gwen, who had left the room to give him his privacy.

"How did it go?" she asks, looking nervous.

He fills her in on the gist of the conversation, her eyes widening when he mentions Miranda questioning whether they had an affair.

“I’m sorry it didn’t go well,” Gwen says. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to call her.”

“You didn’t push me to do anything,” he says, hugging her to him. “I’m glad I got to tell her my side of the story before she just kept on painting me as the bad guy. But from now on, I’m just looking ahead. No more looking back.”

“Agreed,” Gwen murmurs against his chest.

They hold each other for a little while, swaying slightly, Blake singing softly in her ear.

They’ve received a lot of words of support from people, friends or acquaintances who know them and somehow see how they can work together. Who can already see that they make each other happy.

There’s been some nastiness, too, though. A lot of unexpected vitriol at the mere thought of them being a couple, at how they released the news, at how soon they’d moved on while - at least publicly - their ex-spouses remained alone.

If they weren’t truly in love, if they weren’t both in this for the long haul, he’s not sure how long they would last under this invasive microscope.

But the way he feels about her, the way he feels holding her in his arms – he knows he’d endure just about anything as long as he gets to keep her by his side.

* * *

**December**

_Do you really think you wanna make some new memories?_

_With me?_

The sky is lit up with a majestic mixture of red, orange, and yellow that stretches all around, as far as the eye can see.

Gwen watches the setting winter sun morph into an unrefined shape as she looks out on the vast expanse of land from Blake’s back porch, folding her arms around herself to lessen the effect of the chill in the air.

She hears his footsteps before she feels his warmth, his arms encircling her from behind as they watch the sun slowly dissolve until it’s gone.

Over the past month and a half, they’ve made it through even more obstacles than they could have ever envisioned.

Lies and truth, hate and love, doubt and hope. 

Right now, all of it seems so far away, so unimportant.

As Christmastime rolled around, they discovered that they’re both huge dorks when it comes to the holiday, embracing everything from the music to the décor to the old-time traditions, carols and mistletoe and hot chocolate. It’s just one more thing they have in common.

When Blake had asked her to come to Oklahoma and spend some time with him there right before Christmas, when Gavin was scheduled to have the kids, Gwen could think of nowhere else she would rather be.

2015\. She started the year living in a lie. She will end it in the truest place she's ever been in her life. 

As the darkness begins to envelop them, Gwen leans back into Blake, her ears faintly taking in the Christmas music she can hear playing inside the house.

There’s no way to predict the future. They don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

But right here, right now - with little white lights strung up and twinkling on the porch, with hot cider waiting for her inside, with these strong arms around her – she’s worried about absolutely nothing.

She takes his hand and lets him lead her inside.


	11. Playlist and Links

**Playlist**

  1. _Wild Horses_ by Birdy
  2. _Alaska_ by Maggie Rogers
  3. _Starry Eyed_ by Ellie Goulding
  4. _Delicate_ by Damien Rice
  5. _Run _by Matt Nathanson/Sugarland
  6. _Waking Up Slow_ by Gabrielle Aplin
  7. _We Found Each Other In the Dark _by City and Colour
  8. _Home To Me_ by Sarah Darling
  9. _We Are In Love_ by Cider Sky
  10. _Mountains _by Emeli Sande'

**Chapter One**

  * [Gavin Rossdale Cheated on Gwen Stefani With the Family Nanny](https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/gwen-gavin-cover-tease-20151111/#ixzz3rBbLbZKl)

**Chapter Two**

  * [The Voice reveals Season 9 coaches](https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6590874/the-voice-season-9-coaches-gwen-stefani)

**Chapter Four**

  * [Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert Divorcing](https://www.tmz.com/2015/07/20/blake-shelton-miranda-lambert-divorce/)

**Chapter Five**

  * [Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale Are Divorcing](https://people.com/celebrity/gwen-stefani-gavin-rossdale-divorce-couple-split-after-20-years-together/)

**Chapter Six**

  * [Blake Shelton, Gwen Stefani Shine Together on Red Carpet After Respective Splits](https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/blake-shelton-gwen-stefani-shine-carpet-splits-2015278/)

**Chapter Seven**

  * [The Voice's Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani are enjoying a 'hot new romance'](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3228590/Blake-Shelton-Gwen-Stefani-enjoying-hot-new-romance.html)
  * [No Doubt's Gwen Stefani lets it all out at Kaaboo](https://www.ocregister.com/2015/09/20/no-doubts-gwen-stefani-lets-it-all-out-at-kaaboo/)
  * [No Doubt performing "Bathwater" at Kaaboo Festival in Del Mar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9vK8UPgDVY)

**Chapter Eight**

  * [Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani are flirting with each other on The Voice for real](https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/blake-shelton-and-gwen-stefani-are-flirting-on-the-voice-for-real-2015710/)
  * [Blake Shelton is not dating Gwen Stefani](https://people.com/country/blake-shelton-is-not-dating-gwen-stefani/)
  * [Gwen Stefani debuts emotional ballad 'Used To Love You' at solo show](https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/gwen-stefani-debuts-emotional-ballad-used-to-love-you-at-solo-show-192561/)
  * [Blake Shelton Sues In Touch Weekly Over Rehab Story](https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-country/blake-shelton-sues-tabloid-over-rehab-story-159918/)
  * [Blake Shelton Took Gwen Stefani to Oklahoma](https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/blake-shelton-took-gwen-stefani-to-oklahoma-photo-2015511/)
  * [Jimmy Fallon - Spin the Microphone](https://shefani.wordpress.com/2016/10/27/full-video-of-spin-the-microphone-with-season-9-the-voice-coaches-on-jimmy-fallons-tonight-show-from-october-26th-2015/)
  * [Voice coaches trade jokes, Gwen opens up about new song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-a8M0N0zao)
  * [When Adam Levine Found Out Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton Were Dating](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5XvgwLe8KI)

**Chapter Nine**

  * [Gwen Stefani speaks out about Blake Shelton romance rumors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONuu7ZeGMeU)
  * [Exclusive! Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton's PDA-Filled Weekend Prove They're More Than Friends](https://www.eonline.com/fr/news/712391/exclusive-gwen-stefani-and-blake-shelton-s-pda-filled-weekend-prove-they-re-more-than-friends)
  * [Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton Are Dating, Her Rep Confirms](https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/gwen-stefani-and-blake-shelton-are-dating-her-rep-confirms-2015411/)

**Chapter Ten**

  * [Miranda Lambert Is "Not Surprised" to Hear of Romance Between Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani](https://www.eonline.com/fr/news/712832/miranda-lambert-is-not-surprised-to-hear-of-romance-between-blake-shelton-and-gwen-stefani)
  * [Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani Spend Christmas Together in Oklahoma](https://www.etonline.com/news/178742_gwen_stefani_blake_shelton_christmas_shopping_oklahoma)


End file.
